Journaling... Sitting at the doc office feeling embaressed about the std test. Never thought I'd be here at this point in my life. Feeling more sad, simply because she's about to leave for the weekend? Increased by our recent "normal" times that make me miss the woman I married, not my current W. I've shared the love of her before, not this person. I have once or twice paid her a compliment when she's being fun loving, care fee, playful, beautiful in my eyes. I know I need to focus on me and the kids, BIG time now as a wave is approaching. I know I'be been a good dad, I'm feeling better / greater, especially when reading and singing to s2, playing with s7, and just hanging with d11. How horrible am I to be partially glad that w has a yeast infection due to her uti and med scenario - maybe prevent any further pa, at least for now. Being and feeling more vulnerable right. These are simply some ramblings. I need to exercise, read some, enjoy my time with the kids, get stuff done around the house that I want to (garden before its too late, gather goodwill items to actually donate. That's it for right now. Going to sit in here and wait for the doctor some more and probably practice tonglen. That helps some to not want to be tearful, to let the rope lay on the ground...
