Here we go again...

[AnotherStander]

Your list looks good, I just have a few suggestions:

1. Participate in her activities (learn & debate politics, discuss issues important to her)

Keep in mind that you need to be a good listener right now, not debater so much. She does 80% of the talking, you do 20%. Ask enough to keep the conversation going. The goal is to make her feel comfortable talking to you, like she can share things with you like a best friend. Encourage her to talk about her emotions. Listen intently and validate her emotions. Don't argue/ explain/ try to fix things, just validate.

2. Check in on her feelings towards sex life.

I would scratch this off the list. She'll let you know if/ when her sexual interests in you return. Any talk about it will be perceived as pressure.

4. Talk about relationship

Definitely scratch this off the list. From the DB tips:

20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

1. Get up with our son if he wakes in the night. Get up much more often and get up HAPPILY.

I wouldn't say you have to act happy on something like this. It might be more appropriate to say "without complaint".

Also, try to be more specific with your goals. For example:

2. Find new activities to do with Son.

Make a list of the actual activities (take son to zoo, take son to waterpark, etc.) If goals are too vague and confusing they tend to get delayed and/or ignored. If they're specific it gives you an action plan and a checklist.

But I'm terrified of what she may say in a conversation. I'm sure she'll ask about why I've been "chipper." I plan to tell her, "ONE part of my life isn't good, but not all of it is bad. I choose to be happy." Is this ok to say?

First, the conversation may never take place. If she doesn't say anything more about it, then just let it go. Don't ask her if she's "ready to have that talk". There have been several times where my W said she wanted to talk later or tomorrow, then just totally dropped it. Second, if she asks why you're happy just tell her you realize that no matter what happens, you'll be fine. Don't talk about part of your life being bad, just act "as if" everything is fine. Here are some DB tips you might keep in mind for your convo (if it happens):

3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.