More patience??? Really???

[ces67]

Jks, Thanks. Very good insights. We have talked about money and it was the topic we ended on in our last MC. Here are the points I made:

-We are in financial crisis
-I feel like I'm the only one dealing with it
-I feel stuck between providing things for my family and saying no so that we can get out of our sitch.
-Feel W ignores the issues and does what she wants leaving me to deal with the fall out.

W has acknowledged that she is making poor financial choices and that shopping for her is a way to feel good, just as you explained it above. The challenge is that while she has acknowledged it she has made little to no progress in changing her behavior. She has stopped most spending on cc only because she didn't have any. I loaned her our last card for emergencies on this trip and her emergency was that she forgot her clothes so she had to go buy new. I partly understand that but am doubtful she made practical choices in her shopping.

Our MC is working on helping us reconnect on a social, fun level to improve our comfort levels in dealing with harder stuff. My worry is that our finances need attention now. My W starts her new job when she gets back into town next week. I need for her to commit to a certain amount of her pay that will help with bills and I need to be very direct with her on this need. Otherwise her behavior of spending whatever she has on herself will continue and our financial situation will not improve.

Its interesting to learn how many women use shopping as an escape. I know us men have our own means for this, some healthy, some not so much. I've had to focus and shift from the unhealthy to the healthy and be diligent in keeping it there. Its just an interesting insight to see the same struggle in women handled in a different way.