JKS, thank you of your words of support and love. ((( ))) i believe in you so very much i hope you always remember that. Love you JKS...you are beautiful!
NLW--I get what you mean...! all of a sudden the fog is cleared with two simple words..doldrums and process LOL. I love it.
journaling---
i feel like the past few days i have understood about detachment even more. Without getting into too many details, yesterday had a pleasant enough conversation with H (he is still down south working) Started out about the kids and then he told me about some finances that have become unlocked so he was so relieved and he suggested we (me and the kids) could go on a mini-holiday now (we have mid-semester break in two weeks) and he would catch up for a few days as well. I politely thanked him and declined (i don't want to go on holiday and be alone with the kids so he can drop in when OW lets him--would rather stay here where my friends and their kids are). And i said maybe we can just use the money towards the Winter Break holiday. Anyway, we ended the conversation nicely..I told him it was good to hear him sound so relieved, and said goodbye.
Three hours later I am talking to his sister and she says 'so i guess H went to Dubai'. I was like WTF? I just spoke to him and he didn't say a word that he was getting on a plane.
His bday is in a few days. I suspect that he went to Dubai under the pretense of having a doctor's appointment, but with the intention of celebrating his bday with OW before he comes back here.
With the help of a good friend, I have understood that it is the 'WTF' that i need to detach from. There have been dozens of WTF moments in the past and i am sure there will be a lot more in the future.
There is a part of me that wishes i could celebrate his bday with him We have celebrated our birthdays together since he was 17 and this one...its his big 4-0. But, its not meant to be. I am not meant to celebrate with him this year. Its not what he wants. So i accept that. when he gets back, will have his present and cake from the kids ready.
There is also a part of me that would have liked to go on holiday to Dubai. We used to do that a lot....we would go with our good friend's and their kids almost every mid-semester break. but i can't bear the thought of being there just me and the kids (our friends are not going this year), with his drop in visits. why put myself in that situation? being here with my friends and support system is where i need to be.
Well its Friday. Am going to a Quiz night tonight, am really looking forward. me and my best girlfriends have formed a team. Should be fun.
Take care everyone!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
