Thought I would do a little writing. Thanks for your words Denver and 25, they are posts I should revisit from time to time. Some of this stuff might seem like “no brainers” but as I like to say, I am perfectly imperfect.
We all learn at different speeds, my quest for growth has been a real eye opener. I guess I didn’t relize how many issues I really had. Confronting my shortcomings really hurts but it’s a necessary step I must take.
I’ve had my share of “issues.” Let’s face it, we all have, some of us more than others. I’am learning by nature women are “security seeking creatures” AND trust is EVERYTHING. I heard a saying recently, trust = lust. Trust can’t be established if I can’t be brutally honest with myself. Here's the point I am trying to make. Over the years Ive became less and less honest with myself. I would just hold everything in and act like everything was ok. Ive become very manipulative without realizing what I was doing. I don’t think I was very genuine and I am sure it was evident to others, including my W. Deep down I know my W is my best friend but over the last couple years of our marriage it sure didnt feel that way.
I am working on a “laying the cards on the table” approach. I am not saying this is the appropriate actions with W right NOW but I think it’s very important when it comes to my daily interactions with others. I just lost my “sense of self” over the years and it’s time for Rough to start shining again. I am a great guy, I know it. I need to stop focusing on pleasing others. I will probably be amazed at what I start to see when I interact with people at a more genuine level.
I am doing my best to take the focus off W. Things are back to the “somewhat businesslike” routine. For now, it might be for the best. I think the stuff I am talking about right now will help to establish a true connection with myself, maybe W or my next relationship. I am rambling here but that’s ok, hopefully I am making sense.
____________________________ Freshman class of 2012 Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
