Detaching from the outcome is good. Even necessary I'd say.

Disconnecting from your spouse... I'm not convinced at all that will help in most cases.

Yes, my wife and I have had a good long term connection. Longer than most here I'm sure. This leads me to believe we've been doing something right.

Yes, her grief and depression have something to do with my past failures, and now I'm fixing that. We still get along good, even her plans for moving out have been put on hold. When I read other sitches here I usually count my blessings. Yet I should be rocking the boat here?

What happened to monitor and do what works? Is there really only one way to DB?

We're 7-9 months in... We all know how long it can take to work through a MLC.

Thank you everyone for your help and support.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl