Yes, friends mean well, but they don't understand us. I can't tell you the number of times I've been told I deserve better and some other man would be better for me.
I think of it like this. No one "deserves" cancer or depression, but it still happens. And I chose to marry my H, knowing full well the vow and commitment I was making. The vows do say for better or worse for a reason.
At some point, I may chose to move on, but right now I'm still standing. I'm not sure if I would have had the strength to do so without all of the great people here doing the same thing.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
I'm thinking it's has to do with a few things that my mood has improved this morning:
1. I'm back at my regular workout routine... Forcing myself to wake up a few hours early in the morning to hit the gym... Now I've got to get back into mixing in my afternoon workouts as well and I'll be right back to "normal".
2. It's been 5 days since the interaction with my W, so maybe I'm starting to be able to process it a little bit more... Focus more on the positives that came from it and let the negatives simply be reminders of the 180s I need to continue to work on.
3. I'm reminding myself that <b>I<\b> choose to be happy or sad... optimistic about my sitch or depressed about it... So like I said above... I'm going to keep focusing on figuring out new ways to be happy, focusing on the positives that came out of my W's visit, and the very real possibility that I have a very bright future ahead of me... Hopefully W is part of it... But that's not something I can really control, so there's no need to continuously think about it.
It DID feel good to defend my W against some of the attacks my friends threw her way last night... even if it was depressing to hear them. Like has been said on my threads a few times : Feel free to attack the actions, but not the person... Because this is who I choose to love... this is who I choose to fight for... and if you're not by my side, then I'm going to have to leave you behind.
I'm going to go focus on knocking out a good day of work now. Thank you guys for your support! Sorry if I'm a little back and forth here... As you all know... This is a CRAZY hard time.
Oh, and on a side note, I had to forward W a work related email today (as she's still working for the company I own). During her visit, after I asked that she not contact me while OM is in the picture, she asked if that included work-related stuff... I SHOULD have done a "Hmmmm... Let me think about that"... BUT instead I said "I'm not sure... but maybe that's for the best"... It's a bit of a sticky situation there, but I'm having to look out for the company and separate the personal from it. If she responds to the email, no problem... And if she doesn't... No problem, as I'm sure she'll get the work done... I may have to revisit this in the future... But we shall see!
Your starting to figure out contact and resetting of the clock.
With your friends. Set a boundary. Know that they care about you. Which is what good friends do. And good friends will respect your boundary.
As for the wife and work emails. If it is uncomfortable for you and her then have someone else communicate with her. You said she does stellar work and the position is her's to quit. As you said. Separate the company from the personal. You may just need to get an intermediary. Do what is best for the company.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Thanks Chatter! I do feel like I'm figuring out the "resetting of the clock" a little better now... I just need to freak out on the boards for a few days now... not a few weeks
I started setting those boundaries with my friends last night, and I must say I feel pretty good about that. I'll have to do the same thing with a couple of my family members too, but I'll just wait until there's a confrontation about it before I set those up... No use in calling them and saying "I won't tolerate XYZ"!
And as far as the work emails go, for now I think I'm good. She actually did respond to the email quite quickly and kept a 100% professional tone, asked me to resend some information and ended the email.
No "Hope you're doing well" No "Take Care" nothing of the sort.
And I'm glad for that. To me, it shows that she heard my request that we "postpone" our friendship at all levels while OM is in the picture, but isn't sacrificing the STELLAR work she does for the company out of spite.
I fired back the information she needed and should not be getting a response to that email.
I'd call this an "Update" but nothing has happened, so I guess "Journaling" it is.
So yeah, no new progress on the sitch, although to expect progress after all that happened last weekend in such a short period of time is pretty crazy. I'm hanging on to her "You've given me a lot to think about... Thank you so much for sharing your feelings... I wasn't expecting to hear this stuff..." comments a little bit too much, but it's helping me keep a positive outlook while I continue trying to do a better job detaching... I know that didn't make much sense.
I've got an appointment with IC tomorrow, but I might try to move it to this evening instead... I mean I love my IC, but I'm not sure I want to go on a Friday night!
Other than that, it's been the usual roller coaster ride: Wanting to reach out, but knowing it's a terrible idea. Battling to keep a PMA through it all. Working on my 180s and trying to keep busy...
Hoping without expectations and persevering through it all. I know I'm stronger today than I was a week ago, and I know a week from now I'll be stronger yet... no matter what obstacles I'll have to overcome.
Maybe I should amend that last statement: I think I'm stronger today than I was a week ago, and I hope a week from now I'll be stronger yet...
I'm very much strapped in to this roller coaster this last week. Remembering the good parts and bad parts of the conversation almost equally now. At least that's progress.
But still having an extremely hard time getting her out of the front of my mind... Second-guessing so many of my responses, and wondering if I'm really strong enough to keep this "darkness" up for the long-haul.
But still having an extremely hard time getting her out of the front of my mind... Second-guessing so many of my responses, and wondering if I'm really strong enough to keep this "darkness" up for the long-haul.
Very true AT. As you know, we have a lot of common themes. I think about my W WAY to much. Your a smart guy, you know the darkness helps us. For the most part, our interactions with our W's actually make us feel worse. For some reason our minds think that talking with them will make us feel better for some reason, just not the case. Hang in there AT!
At some point, I may chose to move on, but right now I'm still standing. I'm not sure if I would have had the strength to do so without all of the great people here doing the same thing.
So true! Before finding DR, DB and these forums I was just hit with negative sentiment everywhere I turned. Friends & family all said it was over. Even our MC told me that W's mind was made up and it was her "job" to help me move on with my life. Silly me, I thought an MC's "job" was to save marriages, what was I thinking! This place is about the only refuge of hope. I have a feeling that many very salvageable marriages in this world end simply because everyone is counseling both spouses that there's no hope, it's over and they just need to move on. You hear that enough you start to believe it.
This place is about the only refuge of hope. I have a feeling that many very salvageable marriages in this world end simply because everyone is counseling both spouses that there's no hope, it's over and they just need to move on. You hear that enough you start to believe it.