Oldest S moved out into a place with his friends, W is taking this hard and add in the cold and cloudy snap and that her SAD is likely to come (and yes, she is projecting it into a mountain)she has been depressed and into a withdrawn state. Some HPD leaking out, but not too badly. All this I expected (one of the okay things to expect I reckon), therefore no surprise and I let it flow over me and behind me.
Myself, S moving out makes me proud and that I have completed a "job" (raising a self-sufficient person to adulthood), but I am a bit down as well...the emptying room, the lack of a gaggle of young adults at all hours of the day/night...I am surprised I find myself bothered by the quiet I was so waiting for...
I do miss him, we are close, I am bittersweet...but time to let him go. I guess I have had some practice at that "letting go" thingy the past year.
I went through another round of looking at my repressed feelings regarding W and her actions from the past few years, in no particular order:
-anger -betrayal -frustration -wanting to quit -emasculation -revenge, teach her a lesson tempation -manipulate to affect the outcome temptation
I wonder sometimes if I don't empathize too much with everyone's stories here at certain times and get affected, or maybe not, idk...But, I need to purge these emotions from my system regardless, I want to be free from them, so I let them arise and feel through them as much, or as little, as they present themselves to be dealt with.
One thing I did notice is that a lot of "fear" was absent...fear of her leaving/me kicking her out, being alone, being a single parent, being undesirable, etc...this is a nice bit of growth for me, no resurgent feelings there to deal with.
W has me printing up her EFT scripts, so I am getting an inadvertent(?) look into her mental state based on what she sends me to print out. And well, its kinda in the spin cycle atm, but she is trying and making those 2 steps forward for every 1 step back...but it is so slow...I love the new thread by TVS with watching grass grow in the title, yet another classic by the posters here...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
