As I am a bit newer to this site, I would like to know if you each have successfully saved your marriages, etc. This would help me understand where you are coming from a bit.
As I tried to express, the past PA is not a deal breaker to me as far as saving the marriage. I have come to terms with it and although it does hurt at times still, I do want to move forward. But to me, this means she and I, the two of us, hence my comment that I feel we cant move on until the A is exposed and she states to me that she wants to work on us.
Should I just google personal non-negotiable boundaries or can you direct me somewhere?
This may be answered by reading aobut the above, but I should tell her that I know there is an A, but then not offer proof if asked? Should I need to counter if she denies it?
And forgive me for confronting here, but it seems that this advise jumps straight to an ultimatum "She is free to choose that marriage or to D and go be with the OM", am I understanding this properly?
Thank you for the input.
Boundary is a idea or concept that you live with. It is for you. It is not to control anyone but yourself.
There are some good threads on this site about boundaries. But I will have to search for them
Some good reading material is ( I assume you have the great books by Michele from this site )
Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding...Shirley P. Glass Hold On to Your Nuts!:Wayne M. Levine Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life : Henry Cloud What ever your country/state laws are for D and find out how men have fared. "His Needs, Her Needs," by Dr. Harley.
If you search for those and personal boundaries , You will start to get a few websites that you can read up on the concept of boundaries.
Always remember a boundary is not used to control someone. They are used to control what you find acceptable in your life. The other person is free to cross your boundary but when they do you enact the other aspect of your boundary. Your defense from those actions. Boundaries are about choices.
I am sure Starksy or some other member can come on here and link a few of the good threads explaining about boundaries.
