Thanks Cadet, great comments as always! Yeah, I definitely feel last in line, LOL!
Well I had mentioned our 20 year anniversary was coming up and that I planned on no card, no email, no nothing. But as it approached I started second-guessing myself, trying to decide if that would just be "more of the same" behavior. Now I've never missed giving a gift on Valentine's Day, Christmas, anniversary and W's bday; but I did tend to leave things up to W as far as setting up a date on anniversaries. So I couldn't decide if it was "more of the same" or not. In the end I decided to just ask her, so when she was picking up the kids I said "what do you want to do about tomorrow, do you want to do nothing, or just go out to dinner or what?" She said "I don't know, it's all just so wierd." I said "well why don't we just go out to dinner then, it's not like we're celebrating but I feel like we should at least do something to acknowledge the day." She said that sounded good.
Then when I went to lunch the next day, I saw a nice flower arrangement in yellows/ oranges/ reds set into a hollowed out pumpkin. Had to get it for her (I love giving gifts). Afterwards I sent her an email telling her I didn't want her to feel blindsided, but that I had gotten her flowers and I didn't expect anything in return. I told her to think of it as a housewarming gift. She said "thanks for telling me, because I didn't get you anything." I didn't expect her to, but I admit it still stung.
So we had dinner. It was the first time the two of us have been alone out somewhere in about 3 months. I had two goals for myself- 1)no serious talks and 2) have fun. Mission accomplished It was really a lot like a first date with someone- we just chatted, enjoyed a nice dinner and tried a beerarita (a little Corona turned upside down in a margarita). I really wanted her to feel like we could just have fun together without any pressure or R talks. I enjoyed it and I think she did too.
When I gave her the flowers she thanked me and actually initiated a hug, yippee, that was on my baby step list!! I think that's the first time since before BD that she initiated. Then after our dinner we loaded up the kids in her car and she actually waited outside of the car while I hugged D15 and S9 to give me another hug! I know they are small steps, but it was still nice to see
It was really a lot like a first date with someone- we just chatted, enjoyed a nice dinner and tried a beerarita (a little Corona turned upside down in a margarita). I really wanted her to feel like we could just have fun together without any pressure or R talks. I enjoyed it and I think she did too.