trying to get her back

[AnotherStander]

Hello, sorry you're here but we can help! Do pick up Divorce Remedy and start reading it right away. It's your reference guide to dealing with your situation. Read other threads here, you'll be surprised to find many situations very similar to yours. You're not alone!

After about two weeks she coame to a therapist with me and told me she did not want to be married, but she did not want a separation or a divorce. "What the?" it does not work that way.

First, you have to understand that she's going through a very emotional state right now. Don't apply logic and reason to the situation. She's going to say a lot of things that are contradictory and don't make sense. Your job is to NEVER argue, beg, plead, reason, etc. but to instead validate her emotions. Read DR for info on how to do that.

Our second session was awful, I felt like I was under attack, and reacted by telling her that she had a anxiety issue, after reading about how parent issues play a role in people life. her dad was abusive, and now he came backinto her life and I said she is taking the frustastion out on me.

Let me summarize what your W heard when you said this: "it's all your fault, there's something wrong with you that needs fixing, you're acting irrationally, there's nothing wrong with me, it's all you whether physical or mental or both." Very bad move. You drove her farther away. That's OK, nearly all of us start out on the wrong foot. This is why it's important for you to pick up DR and read it, you're going to discover you've probably been doing everything wrong up to this point.

Then when I call her she was surprised and asked me how I was doing and I asked her if she would come to a different therapis because I realized the lady we had seens was noit good.

I do not know of a single case where a WAS situation has been resolved through MC. More frequently it makes things worse. I would quit pushing her into it for now. Save it for the piecing phase.

We went out to lunch and then had a date that weekend, I felt really connected to her,but she would not come home. she said she cannot go from 0 to 60.

It took her a long time to get to this point even though it may seem like it was overnight to you. You've got to give her lots of time to reconnect. It'll likely take months. Have patience, don't push her. Let her develop the pace.

I told her about this book the sex stare marriage and I was reading it, and that we should read it together. ( Should I give her a copy?).

No. Quit applying pressure! Give her space!

I hae been email her and she has been responding but not lile we used it. So I have been sad.

Quit emailing her, let her email you and then you respond. You're still pressuring her.

Hi,Wow! Thanks for the flowers. They are very pretty. Hope you are well."
WOW!(now every thing I read about "wow" has not good.)

Not good? Sounds like a great response to me.