Also, I have been validating her feeling. Last night we had a conversation about her family not aggreeing with her decision which she brought up. I told her do not listen to them they did not walk in your shoes and if they only knew what you went through they would understand.
MrBond is right, this isn't validating. Validating her emotions is neither agreeing or disagreeing with the comments themselves, but rather just sympathizing with her emotions. To give you an example, when she made the above statement you might have asked "It sounds like you're disappointed and discouraged that your family is not supporting your decision, is that how you feel?" That will encourage her to open up about her emotions and feelings which is the goal. She might come back with something like "not so much discouraged, but I am disappointed" and then you just reiterate what she told you "yes, I can tell you're disappointed, I can understand why you feel that way." What you're communicating to her is that you understand and acknowledge her feelings, and this is exactly what she wants to hear. Don't argue, don't justify, don't explain, don't elaborate. Just listen intently, make lots of eye contact, let her finish and then validate.
And as a quick warning as to why you shouldn't respond like you did, it can actually backfire on you. You told her that her family is wrong and she shouldn't listen to them. She might interpret that as you trying to drive a wedge between her and her family. She might even go back and tell her family you said that at which point they'll attack you. You just can't win with that kind of a response.
But fear not, this is all a learning process. We learn by trying, then figuring out what we did right and wrong. So don't beat yourself up over it, just learn from it
