I wanted to provide an update as to where I am these days.. Life is good. I can’t complain. The kidos are doing well…as well as a two teenage boys and a 11 yo girl can do. Wait, I meant to say an 11 yo girl going on 23 – lol.
XW and I have minimal at best contact, which is good for both of us. Our communication is strictly about the kids and is done via email. I have finally shut the door on any possibility of being able to co parent our kids effectively with her. I did this for my own emotional well being. The kids have accepted that “mom is not the same” and to their credit have adapted well to her changes and the changes our lives.
My oldest, is now in college and has a part time job. He finally is beginning to understand what it means to have responsibility. The R between my oldest (18) and I could not be better and continues to get better with each passing day. What a difference from 3 years ago! My oldest now knows what really transpired between his mother and I. He has worked through his anger and has really accepted his mother for the way that she is. She will still do things that piss him off but he now understands why. It was a tough road for him, he did not want to spend any time with his mom for a while (we have a 50/50 split), so he stood with me for several months. Needless to say, I am very proud of the man that he is becoming. Although he still makes some interesting life choices (i.e. now engage to his girlfriend)…but hey he is a teenager. I found out he was engaged from his younger brother, who told me that mom said “she thought it was great and was really happy for him”…my initial response was WTF. I have since spoken to him and have accepted that he too will need to make his own choices and will learn at the pace that he feels comfortable with.
My younger son (17) is still a dream. He is your everyday teenager (video games, etc.). He too has accepted that his mother is not the same but agrees with me that she too is entitled to her happiness. He now has a girlfriend and is getting ready to go to college next year. Wow how the time flies.
My D11, well she is a handful. I am beginning to really see the effects of D on her now. She is quite moody and sassy, some of which is clearly her age and some of which is probably the result of behaviors she sees from her mom. Especially, how mom has treated dad for so long. It is sad to watch; however, I continue to work to address the behaviors that I believe can be changed and are not associated with her age. Wish me luck folks.
The kids still live with me 50% of the time and have adapted well.
Work is heating up, and I am working on a project to open an office up in Tokyo Japan. I was offered a opportunity to go over for a year; however, given the parenting plan, this does not make sense for the kids. The boys have said that they would go with me; however, I refuse to leave my little girl. Nope – not gonna happen.
As for my personal life, my girlfriend has moved in with me and the kids really like her. We are starting to deal with some of the adjustments that come with an integrated family as well as some of the differences between us – most notably 1) a ten year age difference (she is younger) 2) the fact that she does not have children and although has said she does not want any, we both agree that at some point her “biological clock” is going to tell her she wants kids. It will be something that we’ll have to work through. It is a very different R for me, we never argue per se but do have different views on things. We have a good time together but I can also see that a life with kids is very new to her. To her credit, we do speak about it and it appears she is working on gaining a better understanding while trying to determine what her role is with the kids. Time will tell if this will work.
I’ve also come to a much different place….a place of true peace and acceptance. I find that I have forgiven my ex and have finally come to accept that everything happens for a reason. I am writing my life on my terms. I accept that I will make mistakes and also that I will learn from them.
I have started posting again after a hiatus for a while, one that was much needed. My hope and prayer is that I can continue to “pay it forward” to some of the newbies that are here.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
– LOL