At the level of disrespect stbx is now showing me and the kids.
Although it is typical of him in many respects.
He has a guilty secret. To ease his pain he leaves little clues all around until it becomes apparent to everyone what is going on. That way he doesn't have to admit anything.
The secret just 'emerges' bit by bit and everyone around him just 'adapts' to the new situation as if nothing inappropriate has happened.
Tonight when he drove the kids home from school, D16's phone fell out of her bag in the trunk of his (our) car.
She rang him after he left to ask him to check for it, but he told her it must have fallen out in her bedroom when she put her bag down there (WTF? She told him she'd tried to ring the number and it just wasn't in the house).
She needed the phone to text a homework partner so she rang him again an hour later to see if he'd checked for her phone in the car.
H again insisted it must be in her bedroom.
D16 was getting more and more agitated over not having her phone and tried to ring him again later in the evening. He did not answer his phone.
At 10pm this evening there was a knock on our front door and there is stbx with her phone in his hand. He seems panicky and won't come in. Tries to run away real quick. D16 asks him to come in and look at her homework assignment but he refuses. She is pleading with him.
She calls out to him as he's getting in the car and sees that there's someone in the car with him.
I presume he has OW sitting in my car, in my seat, in our driveway.
I got such a burst of adrenaline once D16 told me, I almost flew outside. He had driven off real quick, but I swear, my instinctive reaction was to run out there and pull her, screaming, from my car and beat the living daylights out of her. If she'd locked the car door, I think I would have kicked it in.
I felt as if they had both completely disrespected my children and me. Coming into our home like that.. in my car that i was just recently forced to act as guarantor of the lease financing on... How awful can these situations get?
I am also shocked at how out of control i felt. It was a feeling that didn't last long, but it was instinctive and powerful. Adrenaline-fuelled. Total protective mode.
Straight afterward I wanted to ring stbx and tell him never ever to bring that beotch near my home again. But again, I got my emotions under control pretty quickly. That's a real change for me.
Now much calmer and accepting of what is. I'm wondering where i sit in all of this.
He has a new relationship. No question about that. She must, as his partner, drive around in our car. Why should he try to hide it from me any more. Why do i care... I know about it; it's not a secret.
It's none of my business what he does any more.
And yet, this action seems so totally wrong and disrespectful.
Feels like he's trying to bait me big time.
On the other hand, maybe it wasn't even her (yeah, I'm gullible).
Would appreciate some views on this.
I keep telling myself that I can't control him, only me (and at least I managed to do that). I know OW is not worth my attention... but really, when he drives her into my driveway in my car... god give me strength to get through this.
