beginning my journey of DB

[Arsene]

Hey LW,

Hope you're feeling better, I know it feels like everything is going down the drain and there is no hope. It feels like that sometimes but stick to DB and get yourself a plan of action. Get some ideas for GAL (that don't include dating - if you're trying to save your marriage), figure out what you could "fix" about yourself. You said you had been clingy in the past, well work on that for a start. Do a bit of introspection and figure out who you were when you and H fell in love. What changed? Are you happy with who you are now? What has your H said to you (or did) that might point towards things about yourself you could improve.

Do all of this because you want to. Don't simply become who you think he wants you to be. Do it for yourself. I'm sure in Australia there are loads of clubs (not night clubs but social clubs), support groups, hobby groups that you could join to get your mind off things and meet new people (again, not for the purpose of dating).

It doesn't feel like it now but there will be ups at one point, believe me, however, these will probably be followed by downs as well. It's kind of why people around here talk a lot about the roller coaster ride.

One of the main things which can help you through all of this is also probably one of the toughest to do. Detaching. Read about it online and on this site. Basically, it's putting yourself in a place where you won't be affected by what he says or does. You can still love him from there but you don't get all worked up by his actions and you'll stop reacting to his words.

Not an easy thing to do. I'm still working on this myself after 5 months. Read others' sitches. You might find a few that have similarities to yours and you can get great advice from them. Even develop friendships. Also, you'll see others which looked much worse than yours yet have managed to R and are now working on their M.

It's not all rosy though. Many people didn't manage to save their M, but reading them, you'll see that they still have learned so much about themselves and they seem so at peace that no matter what happens to you, you know that doing this will put you in a better place.

Good luck LW.