About to separate....

[mamabird]

I totally get it, Nail. I went through the same. On my birthday, H watched the kids and when I came home, he ran down the stairs and out the door without so much as a word. It was awful. He has ignored me in front of other people. He has been rude, mean, spiteful, gossipy, has called me names to my face and probably behind my back too.

Nail, think of this as the "new normal." Your old M is dead. Your task now is to get her to come back to you so you can start our new M. But she's pissed right now because you wouldn't move out and now the ball is in her court. Either she has to follow through and act on it, or she has to let it go. It is so much easier to have you move out so she doesn't actually have to do anything.

Ironically, getting some cajones in this situation has helped your case, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. You have shown her you're strong, you aren't going to be bullied. Women like that. Plus, you're forcing her hand which makes it that much harder on her to walk out.

Trust me, as much as this hurts and sux right now, it will get better. She can't keep this up forever. It's impossible. And you are going to be such a good DB'er that she is going to see your changes and want to spend time with you.

One thing I did that MWD recommends in DR: try to figure out what the first sign would be that something was really changing. Break it down into VERY small manageable realistic goals. At the beginning of my sitch, my goals were "Have a 10 minute conversation without yelling." "Speak to him face to face and look each other in the eye." Etc. I look back on it now and think about how far we have come. Now my H lets me snuggle with him (although he doesn't reciprocate). We talk, we make plans for the kids together.

Watch for the baby steps and signs and learn to appreciate them.