ok guys i talked to my xh face to face for the first time in 6-7 months today. It was a very positive experience. What Im wondering is if this is a result of us BOTH reaching a place where we really can show forgiveness towards one another. I do know that's at least how Im feeling now.
We've been talking alot via text about our daughter the past few days cause she's really struggling with some stuff. As parents we're not sure what to do with her, but we're actually working together instead of against one another in this situation, which is so nice.
So today I decided to be the best me that I could be and went out to talk to him in the driveway while he waited for the girls to gather their things for the night. I was just myself. Friendly, smiling, and felt completely at ease talking to him.
It was nice to see him again. He looked nice and he seemed normal and humble, a side I haven't seen in him in a long time. Seems like every time I saw him before he was indifferent, agitated, haughty, arrogant, OR just nervous as hell. Today, he wasn't. Today he was the real man I remember and that I was married to.
I started to walk away when our conversation dwindled off and he did start it back up again as I was going to leave, which I thought was nice for a change. Used to him just ignorning me half the time. Not sure how to feel when he's present and actually available.
So keeping my promise to myself to live authentically, I took the leap and acted towards him as I would've always acted towards him in the past. Living authentically also means Im letting what happened go. I sure the hell won't ever forget and it will still raise it's ugly head up at times, but Im not going to wallow in it anymore. As I've really used the gift of time to learn from this experience, I completely understand how and why we got to this point.
I think what bothers me though is that I do still love this man. Getting the gift of really understanding what happened and learning more about him, still inspires me to rebuild a relationship with him.
