Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

Thanks 25. You said we need to get the tools or we will be back here in a year. That makes sense, I agree. I had a good meeting with the IC, she’s a PHD, knows her stuff, she’s done all the clinical training. She really likes the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I believe the writer’s done a lot of real life lab research. She was explaining the 3 different kind of interactions. Positive, distant and I think the last one was mean. To nobody’s surprise, the couples with the most positive interactions had the best relationships. I am sure it’s probably a good read but 5 LL is more of a priority read for me.

The parent conference went well. I was really proud of S8, he’s getting really good grades. Sure there’s area for improvement but for the most part it was very positive. Our separation has been really tough on him. I’ve always instilled the importance of family so all of this has hurt him a lot. I’ve mentioned before, our bond is amazing, I just love that kid so much.

We kept most of the focus on S8. W was civil but it was evident that she was a bit cold and standoffish. Right before we left W said she got my email and she would prefer to go to the joint counselor instead and she will respond to my email. I didn't give her any pressure, I just simply stated, “no problem.”

I think all of you were right, the timing’s off. I am still glad I asked, it was worth a shot. I don't want to push the issue much because that wouldn't be good for anyone, at this stage anyway. To be honest, I don’t think we are even close to any form of piecing. Maybe that’s just my insecurities creeping in but I am not expecting an email full of I love you’s, that’s for sure. Yes, I have hope but things sure feel bleak today.

First of all, you don't know if things are bleak. You'd be mind reading if you are concluding what is in your W's head right now.

Even if it is negative, I'm here to tell you that it can change in a NY minute. Have you READ my story!? Things looked 'bleak' many, many times. Hell, even though I am in piecing, they will probably look bleak again someday. Who knows. We never know what the future holds.

My point is that you shouldn't be focusing on that. You should be focusing completely on YOU, YOUR plan moving forward, how YOU are going to interact with you W whenever you have contact with her, and YOUR 180's. YOU, YOU, YOU. That is all that you control.

I still think that you may have made some progress in the past few days. You have opened the door to reestablishing a true contact with your W. Let's see how she responds. I say that the ball is in her court. For now, you sit back and do your thing.

And no, you are no where close to piecing. You are right about that. You would not have been even had she agreed to go to retrovaille. It's okay though. Your sitch still really isn't all that old.

What you do know is that the turkey is not ready to come out of the oven.

Keep plugging away Rough. You are doing great.

Denver