It's None of my Business

[BeingMe]

.... is what my H said to me over the summer when he revealed that he was dating from an online dating site. Oh, and he only dated separated women. I wanted to know who they were, and he said, "it's none of your business." "Okay," I said, "but I don't believe in dating while you're separated. After all they and you are still married." He replied, "I don't care what you believe." Alright, I thought to myself, I will only deal with what is my business from his POV, the children and our finances. And, getting that divorce. My subject heading has become a chant in my head whenever I'm about to ask him something, I think, "it's none of my business." Unless it is. Then I come down on him like a ton of bricks.

I asked him to leave about a month ago, but he still hasn't found his own place. The drama that caused. Oy!

In the meantime, he is away again. I like having him absent nowadays. I get on with my life, without worrying about what he's doing on his business trips. He can do whatever he likes. If some poor woman wants to hook up with him, good luck to her.

On Oct. 29, we go to the lawyer and start the process of divorcing. I am very keen to get it over and done with. I do have my own life, and am enjoying my courses. I have no interest in dating, but am keeping myself open to the possibility sometime in the future. If I meet someone, then I meet someone ... not going onto any dating sites. Although, who knows ... I may change my mind.

We are planning on selling the house ASAP, but there's a lot of work still to do.

This is my last thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2269695&page=11

[NLW]

BM,
That is a seriously useful mantra.

NONE OF MY BUSINESS

Not according to them; not any more.

Thank you so much for this.

[WenikiTiki]

I am currently also a big fan of saying to myself:

I'TS NOT MY PROBLEM!

[kml]

Ha ha Wen - yeah, I say that top myself a LOT. Unfortunately, right now he's busy making it my kids' problem, which in turn, ends up making it my problem. I'll be so glad when the kids are successfully independent and I really don't have to deal at all with him any more.

[BeingMe]

Ahhh! The odd ways to get detached. You got it too, Wendy.

I've been thinking all of today ... no classes, and sick of homework. Been lazy, lazy, lazy and bored. So, I get to musing over my sitch. My H and I have not been in contact since Monday ... no problem ... we haven't got much to say to each other anyway. So, I'm thinking, "would I be interested in him, if I had just met him now, in this condition?" I don't think so ... he bores me. The only good thing about having him here is he can take me to a movie or out somewhere. And, he can fix the things he said he would to get this house sold. He doesn't have much to say. He doesn't even try and engage me in conversation, and I don't try anymore.

So, what's a gal to do? I want to get out of house more often. I do have a couple of friends, but they are married and/or work (the one works over the weekend). My being at uni, gives me odd free time. Anyway, just a spot of whinging to while the time away. Haha!

I am so frustrated with the script I'm writing that I try and make all kinds of excuses not to write. I'll probably get to it on the day before it's due. Sometimes, one gets more out of one's imagination from sheer panic. I hope so.

Otherwise, hope y'all are planning a lovely weekend. It's cold and overcast here, which does make me moody. I think I'll check on the Meet-ups in our area or just go to Chapters (similar to Barnes and Noble).

[WenikiTiki]

Funny BeingMe, I had a lazy introspective day. I planned to do one thing, then ended up laying on my bed staring at the ceiling for awhile. Then I got tired of thinkig and worked on my quilt....

I hope you have a nice weekend!

[beatrice]

You know that the reflecting/introspection and the world being all full of marrieds/couples, is a stage on the journey.

The world is full of couples, and at some pont one might re-join them, but there is a world of single and content people. They are just a little less obvious!

I did go through a phase os desperately wanting to be part of a couple again, but it didn't happen, and as we all know here, that no relationship is far preferable to not-a-good one.

I think when we are in a relationsihp and happy with our spouses, the world becomes a more static and settled place. Singlehood is more turbulent, and we are reliant on our own resources. It is scary but liberating. If I want a social life I have to make it happen. And it takes time and effort. Getting to know and like, and be comfortable with spending time with ourselves is time well spent, after a life with someone else. I have a couple of redently widowed friends, and apart from the betrayal [and it is a big thing] they face many of the same issues.

So we keep gong on, sometimes a bit sad, and sometimes a bit bored, but more and more, if we have any sense, doing things we like and give us pleasure with people we like . . . . as 25 years said, it beats being in most of Africa.

[BeingMe]

Thanks for all your thoughts/reflections, Wendy and Beatrice. Isn't life just weird. You think you're in this marvelous marriage, some problems, but for the most part good. Then wham, bam, no thank you ma'am, it's over. For me, it took 7 years, but all that time seems like an instant. Now, here I am, having to make a new life for myself. I think my H started his new life while I thought we were still "trying", so there was no jump for him. But, life isn't fair, we just have to keep a positive attitude, and move on.

[BeingMe]

I ended up having a great weekend! Went to a spa with a friend, and we had a waxin', and then spent half the day in the mineral spa. It looks like a cave. When we drove home, I felt like my muscles were marshmallows. So relaxing! Then on Sunday, my D20's birthday, we went to a Farmer's Market in a village next to our city, then we went to dinner with my S25 and BFF20. It was nice. I cannot believe my daughter is twenty years old. This is my youngest, so no more teens. Although, my oldest grand-daughter is 13, so our descendents are growing.

H and I have had several emails between us, and even one phone call, mostly to do with D20's birthday, and her car that needs a service. D20 answered my cell while I was driving to the market, and spoke to him, then he wanted to speak to me, once I'd parked. He just wanted to know how things were going. Weird! He never wanted to speak to D20 when he called me, so I thought it a bit odd. But, odd behaviour is how he rolls now.

Anyway, starting to ramble now, so hope y'all had a great weekend. Sorry about the "Cards" ... my D32's in-laws are huge fans.

[BeingMe]

Update: Finished my mid-term Astronomy exam, and handed in my projects in other courses. I can breath again.

My lawyer appointment is next Monday. Didn't think about it until today when I saw it in my calendar. Not sure if H will be home then. As usual, his travels are all over the place. I actually can't remember when he left. I've been so busy with uni.

I've started cleaning and clearing house for possible sale next year. It's slow going, because it's interspersed with school work. I sure hope it gets sold quickly.