I am a newcomer here and am in desperate need of advice. My H and I have been together 13 years. We have been married for one year this month. Though we've had our fair share of probs my H told me 3 months into our marriage that if we didn't go to counseling he would leave. So we went, to just 3 sessions. Things got better and by the 7th month of our marriage he was an anxiety ridden mess and left me because he needed space. I was a wreck and did everything I shouldn't do according to DB. Then, I somewhow convinced him to come back home for a week to try but he was such mess I realized he needed his space.
I gave him space in faithfulness, come to find out he was cheating on me with someone he went to highschool with and reconnected back with on facebook. She was unhappy in her marriage and now her and my H are together. I went from texting, begging, crying, pleading, and calling him to absolutley nothing. This OW has children she left in another state with their Father to be here with my H. They are now living together. My H would have never done this before. I knew we had probs but never expected him to cheat and abandon me. The families of all involved are devastated to say the least and he is convinced that this OW is a good girl and he's desperatley trying to get his family to like her. Realizing that he is in deep honeymoon phase with her. What should I be doing right now? He's been away for 3 months but I have stopped all contact within the last 3-4 weeks kinda doing the 180. Please any advice is very much appreciated! Thank you!
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your H is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
Hello AF30 I am sorry you find your Self here and to read about the situation that has brought you to the board.
My sitch is different and doesn't include OP so I am not going to give you advice. I'm sure others will be along shortly to help you more than I can.
You are doing the right thing of NC that will help you get your emotions under control so that you can think more clearly and focus on you.
Don't feel alone. Any time day or night there are people here to support you.
Keep posting. The more you post, the quicker you will get off moderation and people will see your thread.
Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Things got better and by the 7th month of our marriage he was an anxiety ridden mess and left me because he needed space.
Can you expand on this a bit? What exactly was causing his anxiety? There must have been one or more triggers. Did he seek medical help? Major anxiety disorders need to be treated.
[quote]Realizing that he is in deep honeymoon phase with her. What should I be dng right now?
Quite right, he's in the "puppy love" dopamine release phase. It lasts anywhere from a few weeks to 6 months after which reality comes crashing down and they'll start to realize that A)their new situation is no better and probably worse than the one they left and B)they left a trail of wreckage in their wake and need to atone for it. There's no guarantee that will happen, but often it does. I think you're doing the right thing as far as no contact, you just need to leave him to it and see if he has an awakening. You should also read DR and start working on yourself, it's a very helpful book.
I agree with AnotherStander...that he is in the beginning stages of "love" and that can cloud one's judgement about the "realness" of this OP. My H is having an EA with OW and he claims he is "deeply in love" with her. There's really nothing you can do to convince them otherwise, so I would advise to "let it play itself out," focus on yourself (easier said than done, I know) & your kids,and GAL.
Really he's going to have to discover the person she is on his own. Meanwhile any contact with him should be upbeat & let him see your best side (which he originally fell in love with).
Good luck and hang in there...lots of support here!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I just read your story. 3 months! Mine's been gone for 2 months now! And I so know how it feels. And like everyone already said, no contact is probably better than contacting him ATM...I wasn't ready to see my H yet and I went, and i messed it up. I hope this similar thing wont happen to you. Hang in there!!!
