Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks for being there for me Denver, I am leaving to meet W at a parent teacher conference. She might bring it up then. Note to self. Tread carefully and be VERY wise with my words. Listen and make sure to validate.

Just listen and gather information about where she is. She can change her mind and she can have mixed feelings (as you do).

Don't expect clarity from her, let alone this fast.

MANAGE YOUR CONDUCT/WORDS. And do not be the one to bring it up. IF she says nothing, I'd drop it.

If you must have an answer, wait til that's literally true (like the deadline) and then ask if she got an email you sent. If she says "No" then you re-send or re-cap what it said. And then back off so she can ponder it.

Don't put in the "last opportunity" b/c I think Retrovaille adds that in for generic purposes. You guys are talking about piecing (not in those words but more or less), in the sense that there are probes and some mutual interest in the other's thought processes and changes.

So there's no need, IMO, to act as if THIS CHOICE is going to be the "last chance for the marriage". It's not.

We think It's among the best chances, but we don't know if the timing is perfect and you may reconcile without going.

I can tell you that your best chance of reconciling AND restoring the marriage (i.e., it lasting) rests in you getting the tools you both need. Otherwise you'll be back here in a year or so.

(No offense but if you don't make changes in how you relate to each other, = measurable noticeable changes, why would you believe that staying together is more likely than before?)

Retrovaille is a means toward getting the tools, & it is far more efficient than most MCs meeting you weekly could ever be.

But neither of you seems to know how to begin talking safely, w/the other.

You are so nervous (do not let FEAR Rule your life) it's hard for you to take the lead.

If she says yes she got it, just let her know there's a deadline for responding.

So no pressure but hey, if she's interested, she can let you know by...um, dinner time? 8 pm? (Whatever you NEED to make the deadline). Do not expect an answer right then and there if she's not had time to think about it.

If it is yes she got it, but remains silent you back off . You probe for information while assuring her that it's no dealbreaker, you just thought it sounded like a good way to start communicating better and you know YOU need to work on that...
Make sense?