Before this all happened, since we were staying at different cities for school, I went out so often cuz I wanted to feel independent. And now, I do not want to go out with anyone. I feel like that is not my way of GAL at the moment, but I haven't figured out how to find my way of GAL yet.
Actually going out partying would personally be my last choice for GAL activities. Take up painting, sketching, riding a bike, hiking, walking, running, lifting weights, lunch, pilates, swimming, dinner or a movie with old friends, ceramics, throwing pottery, flying a kite, picnic in the park, go to the art museum, catch a play, etc. etc. It always baffles me when people say "I don't want to go out partying, so I can't GAL". Or "I can't afford to GAL." Who says it has to cost money? Who says GAL is about drinking until 2 am? It's not, it's about GETTING A LIFE. That means different things to different people, so borrow from my list or make your own. GAL is whatever it takes to get your mind off of your spouse and onto YOU It's about regaining control of your life, your PMA and your outlook.
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I just can't help feeling like I messed EVERYTHING up.....although I do know that he contributed to this as well.....
Sure, you both played a part in it. You can't control him, so focus on your own faults and do 180's on them. Don't beat yourself up (I know it's easier said than done, we all do beat ourselves up at some point in the process). But try to look at your faults objectively and figure out the appropriate 180s for them.
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And again, thanks for understanding!!! My biggest issue I think is I "can't " change. I promised I'd change but my old behavior gets back....
It's not easy to implement changes to begin with because our minds covet the status quo, but stick with them and it gets easier until they becomes "normal" and aren't 180's anymore.
It's about regaining control of your life, your PMA and your outlook.