You can do everything 100% perfectly correct; and he might not come back.
However, doing all these things, having a better understanding of relationships, growing, realizing you want (not need) someone in your life; sharing that life not being co-dependant...
It might not be your husband, but you have raised the bar on who you let into your life. It very well could be your husband.
If it is your husband, it is tough on a whole different level. : ) It's not milk and honey. That is when trust issues get to be dealt with, because he actually did hurt or break your trust.
Ultimately Busting?
I want you to be happy, unlike the people who tell you to move on? I want you to give it your best shot first; then give it your next best shot and then your third. If you decide not to be married, I want you to never regret that choice.
If you get divorced and he comes back in 5 years and says he made a mistake, I want you to say, "Yes you did." and still be happy with the life you have...without him, if it comes down to that.
You also made a vow, so do your best to live up to that vow, for you and your kids...and; guess what? Him.
A question I asked myself in the middle of all of this:
"Would she give up on me?"
It kept me going.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
