Going home

[AnotherStander]

That last sentence may not make sense the way I structured it, I should have put quotes on it like this:

"Detaching" is "not letting them (emotions) control your actions."

[StubbornDyke]

Hey NG. It's good that you know when to hang back and take care of yourself.

Good ideas on processing the anger. Sometimes I find it helpful to remember that it's our thoughts that set us up and lead us to certain feelings. Sort out the thoughts. Which ones are helpful, which ones not?

Also, anger is commonly a response to our needs not being met. Can you identify the needs and grieve those losses directly?

And the usefulness of anger is to motivate us to effect needed change. Embrace that, once you've sorted through it a bit.

...just some more processing ideas in case you run short.

[needgrace]

Hi AnotherStander,

Thank you for stopping by and for your support.

I love that analogy by Cadet. I am moving on with my life but not seeking to move on with any R. I still feel married.

I think that in the past I have glossed over things W has done during the break-up so that I could avoid feeling the pain, the depth of the rejection and facing how how difficult it would be to R. There have been layers of anger... and I feel as if I made a big step yesterday in addressing them more openly and honestly.

I get fearful that in addressing the anger that I will take a victim role.. but I did not feel that yesterday. I actually felt empowered as if I was standing up for myself and my letter reflected that, I believe.

As for my current state of dimness :), it just felt like what I needed right now. I was too angry to see her this week. I am not sure if I will feel differently the next time I have an opportunity.

[needgrace]

Wow, SD, that was a great post about anger. Thank you

I will do what you suggested to process it all further. In the light of day, I can see that some of my thoughts are illogical.. wanting her to finally talk to me about our M and then when she finally does, getting angry about what she said... not fair.... and that might be an unspoken rule she felt during the M.

i will take a look at the underlying needs.. i think that will be big as I know I lost myself in the R and looked to her to fill needs that would be much healthier for me to fill for myself..

thank you SD, you have given me a lot of think about your superhero cape is very bright today!

[bustingout]

As for my current state of dimness :), it just felt like what I needed right now. I was too angry to see her this week. I am not sure if I will feel differently the next time I have an opportunity.

I am relating to this big time right now NG ((((( ))))

[needgrace]

Journal

Last night I had a tough time when I was falling asleep. I just started crying and was really missing my W. This morning I felt anxious and sad.

So of course, today, I get an email from W. She is using a lawyer to finalize the D papers bc I guess the online program she was doing did not work for her. She said that she is not changing our agreement but needed help with the details. She wants to either work with the lawyer to draft the papers for my review or for us to meet together to discuss some issues that the lawyer brought up that we need to finalize.

She also wanted me to pay for half of the lawyer's fee as she says that using the lawyer will protect both of us. I don't think that is fair as this is HER divorce, I don't want it, why should I pay for it? What do you all think?

I may need to meet with her in person anyhow to finalize some tax issues. I am tempted to make one last effort to ask her if she is sure... but that would be pursuing wouldn't it?

i am tired of feeling so much pain... but this will pass, at least that is what i tell myself.

[scaredsilly]

Oh, grace, I'm sorry. I know this has to be so hard to deal with.
As for the lawyer, I would tell her that you will have to get your own to review all documents and you will each have to pay your own lawyers. In a divorce, a lawyer only represents one party. I would not let her lawyer advise you. You need to protect yourself.

I know this feels horrible and I wish you peace.

((((NG))))

[Tumbling]

((((Need Grace))))
I'm so sorry to read your latest post.
Words fail me at times like these.
Yes, this pain will pass in time but I know that thought doesn't make it easier right now.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

[bustingout]

((((((((NG)))))))))))

I am sorry to read about the email. I am sorry this is happening at all. I am thinking of you and love you very much. And yes, I think absolutely...think only of YOU right now.

Love you NG.....

[keep_going]

(((NG)))

Sorry to hear about this latest email and development with your W. It seems like a lot of us are going thru this ugly legal part of the process now. You are a strong person and you will survive. Yes, focus on yourself to find the strength you need.

You know you are not alone!