How do we live "together separate"?

[mizjjd]

I have no money, no job and no family to go to.

Don’t let these ^^^ circumstances drive your choice for what YOU want for YOU.

Reality check here. I don't have a $100 a week allowance. I'd be lucky to have that in FIVE MONTHS.

Remaining fearful and in a R that YOU do not want to be in because of the above does YOU no good. I am not promoting you leaving…just sayin that if you based your choices on FEAR they tend to be the wrong choices LONG TERM.

Reality check #2 Homelessness is probably also not good for me. And I have not yet figured out WHAT I want LONG TERM. I am working on myself minute by minute.

I am a class one doormat

Probably because of the above.

Because of the above what? I'm gonna guess you'll say fear here. "Doormat" is my coping skill - just as someone else might use anger or control.

taught me to walk on egg shells and keep my mouth shut.

Probably because of the above.

Ditto to my above. "Skills" learned as a child often become ingrained personality traits and are exhibited even when the stimulus of an angry parent is not present. I am docile by nature (usually).

Staying together until the twins turn 18 in two years does make sense so I'm fairly sure I want that.

Why? So you do not have to deal with the issues above?

It makes sense financially and for the welfare of my family. How do you think I am not "dealing with my issues"? Do you know me? Are you in my head?

I want a viable job and money put away so I am not so totally dependent on anyone else.

Do you want this ^^^ ?

I said it didn't I?

I feel my primary goal should be to get a job but I don't want to do retail over the holidays, and my unemployment will last until about Feb.

Or is this ^^^ easier?

Another reality check. Because of where I live I will have to spend $50 per week on gas when I get a job. Between my job skills and the current job market I will likely not bring home too much more than what I make in unemployment after figuring in transportation. I have spent the last 5 years working retail over the holidays so EXCUSE ME if I would like to spend a holiday season WITH my family.

How do I go on this way? How am I not supposed to read into his behavior that he DOESN'T intend to leave? How do I keep my sanity?

IMO, you stop what appears to be a pattern. IMO, you write down the things that YOU need to do for YOU and you begin the LONG hard journey or working towards YOUR goals. IMO, you start to coming to the realization that you have become codependent on your H and you are operating with fear.

Now I suppose the simple fact of posting here invites YOUR OPINION. However you MIGHT want to take into consideration you don't know all the facts of the case.

I don't understand this at all. He treats me just the same and sometimes I wonder if I imagined "the bomb".

Why would he treat you any different? Have YOU changed anything?

I am limited as to what I can change. Sure I am codependent if you want to call it that. I am also very financially dependent and H has been made clear to me that doing other than what is "normal" will expedite his leaving. I'd rather he not leave until I have a job.

And not being able to discuss it with him makes it even more bewildering.

There will come a time when you will realize that YOU do NOT have to discuss everything with him.

I don't necessarily WANT to discuss this with him, I was just marveling, if you will, at the strangeness of the whole MLC phenomena.

Mrsrjd, I am sorry if I am coming across hard on you. I just see a bad pattern here and it really pisses me off and it has nothing to do with your H. Actually more to do with you.

Hey, you're just telling me how I feel and what to do. Nothing new there.

What do you really want in your life MRSRJD? I mean really…aside from him. What dreams honey to you have? What goals do you want to work for…for YOU..not him.

Honey? Really?

Sweetie, we get one shot at this world…just one. We have to learn to make the best of it and to live it like it is what it is, which is ONE LIFE.

Sweetie? Really?

Stop thinking about him and what his butt is doing and start thinking for a minute about YOU and what it is that YOU really want.

Again, you are NOT IN MY HEAD. You don't know what I think about. When I come to these boards its in an effort to understand the whole MLC thing so that is what I write about. Doesn't mean it is my whole life and/or occupies every inch of my mind.

This crap is hard, very hard, but it can also be a blessing in disguise…….if you allow it to be.

There have been 3 affairs that I know of

I am usually not this blunt – but YOU deserve better than this ^^

Well thanks for that. May surprise you to know I was already aware.