Hi LITB-Thank you for coming by!

I know it shouldn't be about him...i really do....i guess i am feeling weary a bit. Is he trying to outwit me until I break? Maybe.

I just don't feel like speaking with him at the moment. My coach said i should try and be pleasant, i am, and when the chance to perhaps say something to him non kid related.

I felt able to to this for a few weeks, not a lot but a few times, and it was pleasant, it was genuine...... and lately...i just can't get myself to do it. It makes me feel vulnerable and almost...foolish. like 'what the heck am i doing when i know he does not care about me anymore?!?!'

And i KNOW i should not think about it from that point of view. I know its about me and how i hold myself and being the genuine me regardless of him. But right now, the genuine me really feels like being dark. And then...being dark gets me panicky again...what is going on with me??


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home