Thanks so much for your reply and words. I wish you the best with everything. I feel that I have been given a great opportunity. An opportunity that unfortunately most on here do not have. My wife is still at home. We still get along. We can still laugh and joke with each other. Yes, I am still trying to detach as much as I can. But now, this is a true detachment for me. Its not for her. It is not to see if she will find me when I am somewhere in the house. It is for me to focus on me.
I know that its probably "taboo" in terms of the DB journey, but yesterday when I got home, I asked my wife if I could talk to her. I told her pretty much a brief synopsis of my above awakening. I told her that for the first time, I was sorry. Sorry for what I did to her and what I didnt do for her. I told her I didn't blame her for leaving and I would have done the same thing. I also thanked her for sticking around long enough to give me the 4 most wonderful children in the world. I know that she was on edge when I asked to speak with her, because she always is when the "R" talk starts. Its hard telling which me she will get. I assured her that this was not in any way me trying to win her back. In fact, I told her that I know deep down I have lost her for good in our marriage. I told her I accept that now, and as much as it is not what I want, I understood and supported her and her decision.
While we talked, I off course got teary eyed. She did as well. I know how confused she must really be because I am sure there is a part of her that wants to remain married, but its probably a very small piece. I am sure she will not let this piece grow larger because of the rollercoaster ride that i have put her through. Again, I know this and I accept this. I do however know that there is a chance at making this work. Again, she is still at home and we both agree that neither of us are leaving anytime soon and we are good with that. Before, I did NOT want to live as roommates. At this point, I will take what I can get.
