Still married, still S, not in limbo for those of you keeping score.
Some thoughts:
Still working on me and improving.
Had a bit of a sobbing, angry meltdown last night. If there had been a File your Divorce Hotline, I would have been dialing it.
This was all related to my impatience and still some lack of detachment.
Thankfully, I have learned to sit through these episodes and not act based on emotion.
I have more to learn.
Need to remember HALT-hungry, angry, lonely, tired=bad for the soul
Came here looking for advice and found it.
As the Rolling Stones put it:
You can't always get what you want But if you try sometime, you just might find You get what you need
Originally Posted By: 25
you're totally and solely "waiting to see what happens" which means'
it's all about HER REACTION.
You'll know you've begun to detach when she does not enter the equation.
Right now, she IS the equation. This will not yield you the results you want b/c it's manipulative and she'll know it.
Here's a short post on Detachment but there are MANY more on this site if you look around.
"This was originally posted by Peanut. ============ II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
