I found out that my mom who is terminally ill has taken a turn for the worse.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom Sam.
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My W call and I was explaining that my mom was not doing well and her primary concern was (or at least it seemed to me) to get the contract signed to make her feel better.
IMO, right now your focus should be on YOUR mom. Your W will just have to wait.
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She kept saying that she was there to support me, but it really felt like she wanted to get me to just sign and tell her what changes I was wanting to incorporate into the contract.
Sam, right now chances are her agenda is different than yours. Accept that fact but do not allow it to dictate what YOU choose to do for YOU.
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I kept asking why she just didn't want to get a legal separation, and alls she would say is that this would be better for us both.
I suggest stop proposing a separation. In short, you are not validating what it is SHE FEEL she needs right now. I am simple I will discuss this when I am ready should suffice.
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I'm not really buying into that statement.
And I wouldn’t.
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She was upset and I'm sure this set us back in her working through her MLC.
She is gonna be upset – she is not getting what she THINKS she wants.
Sam, I noticed that you did not respond to a few of my question…
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That is HER plan - what is YOURS?
Answer?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sam, I am sorry to read that your mother is not doing well. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.
Eric is right...you need to be focusing on your mom right now. Your mother needs your support and focus. Your wife and what she wants can wait.
I agree w/Eric that her agenda is totally different from yours. You must do what is right for you and you alone. Please understand that no matter what you do, it most likely will never please her or be what she wants.
Please, Sam, don't sign anything or agree to anything at this time. Your attention is elsewhere and if you do agree/sign something, it may not be in your best interest and you'll discover this entirely too late to change things. Put the paperwork on the back burner for a while.
Please take care of yourself and spend your time w/your mother.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
M-49 W-47 No children 4 dogs 2 cats M-09/2008 Together 09/1994 Sep - 03/12 (lasted a week) 09/2012 - ???
Thanks for your responses. Since my mom is not doing well at all, I've decided to travel to my home state to be with my family. My W who is working in CA found out and decided she would also go to CA to "support" me. I did not ask her to go, but my cousin had sent her a text saying my mom was gravely ill.
I'm stressed enough and now I have to deal with her being around my family too. Every time she called/texted yesterday I said I would be fine and that I just wanted to spend the weekend with my family, she became agitated and said she wants to "support" me.
M-49 W-47 M - 09/2008 T- 09/1994 No Children 4 dogs/2 cats EA 11/2010 Sep 09/2012 (tried in 05/2012 and W came back to work on us) As of now does not want to work on anything but herself...
I am trying to detach and since she's been in her new place and traveling I've not initiated any text or called. I will respond to selective texts and act "busy".
On Sunday I get a text about a party that I had said I was going to attend and at the I decided I would not earlier that day and went home. My W was also going to attend and was driving to the event. When I got to the house I found that her dog (I was going have since she would be working in CA for the week) was not there. So I did respond to an earlier text to see where the dog was and she said with her and then she got extremely mad that I had not informed her of my change in plans and that it would have been nice if I had "informed" her of my changes. Note: She did not inform me that she was bringing the dog either.
The next morning she dropped the dog at the house since I had agreed to keep him for the week and she was much more pleasant. Asked if she could hug me. We talked for 5 minutes max and then she left. She was asking all hurt that I screwed up the party plans.
M-49 W-47 M - 09/2008 T- 09/1994 No Children 4 dogs/2 cats EA 11/2010 Sep 09/2012 (tried in 05/2012 and W came back to work on us) As of now does not want to work on anything but herself...
Sam, The best thing you can do is put her comments and behavior aside and detach. She's acting liked a spoiled child and your plans should not have a thing to do w/her plans since she's not living under the same roof as you are.
Go, spend the time w/your mother. Life is precious and it's too late when our family members are gone. The situation w/your wife will be there when you return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm stressed enough and now I have to deal with her being around my family too.
Then tell her very nicely that the best way to support you right now is to leave you alone. If that does not work..I would not answer her calls/text and/or if you see her ignore her. This is YOUR time with YOUR mom. It really does not matter if she agrees or understands that. This Sam should be for YOU.
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she became agitated and said she wants to "support" me.
IMO, she wants to support you so that SHE can feel better. I suspect that guilt is eating her up alive – not your problem….at least not Yet.
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she got extremely mad that I had not informed her of my change in plans and that it would have been nice if I had "informed" her of my changes.
Sam, she is going to act this way. Try as hard as you can not to take it personal. At the same token you do not need to be afraid to speak your mind. Just realize that nothing you say will probably matter.
As snodderly pointed out…detach from her and her antics…go be with your mom!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm here at my parents house and so is my W. Hospice came in for my mom today and let us know that it's probably a matter of days. Needless to say I'm not doing to well.
My W is constantly following me around and hugging and hanging on to me. She keeps saying she loves me and is so sorry that I'm going through this heartache. It's such a weird feeling. I have a hotel room and my dad wants me to stay with him to keep watch over my mom. My W keeps asking me what I want her to do...I really don't care if she stays or leaves. I just want to be here for my mom and give my dad some peace of not having to keep watch all night.
The one good note is that my W has not brought up the financial agreement for a couple of days. That was a very big surprise.
M-49 W-47 M - 09/2008 T- 09/1994 No Children 4 dogs/2 cats EA 11/2010 Sep 09/2012 (tried in 05/2012 and W came back to work on us) As of now does not want to work on anything but herself...
sam, I am very sorry to hear about your mom's situation. My thoughts and prayers are w/you and your family.
If your w gets under your skin too much, send her packing to the hotel room or give her a list of errands to do. Her behavior isn't helping you at all during a time like this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear about your mom. My heart goes out to you and yours.
As for your W, ignore her as best you can and just be there for your mom. Outside of your mom and your family....everything else IMO, is secondary.
Take care of yourself.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
