Am starting to get ready for Retrouvaille this weekend and want to make sure that I get the most out of it, that whatever happens with my H I learn to communicate better and get better insight into my own issues. LITB mentions going there and busting my tail. In this context, what does that mean? How can I make sure that I get the most out of it and focus on my own faults and issues and less on Hs perceived flaws? Any help from Retrouvaille vets would be most appreciated
Do not focus at all on HIS "flaws", or what you believe HE ought to work on.
Do not take his temperature, or check to see if he's "getting" it or liking it or any of that.
Just do YOUR WORK. If you are honest, you have a lot of it to do.
At the very least, and best, you'll need to do a boat load of forgiving AND asking for forgiveness, in time.
You'll need to learn how to give it and to be given it and to LET GO OF CRAP that hurts the marriage. Let it go. Don't worry about whether that is "FAIR:...
do you want to be "right" or do you want to be happy?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.
Lose the scorecard, for good.
Focus solely on your own personal work. Let him do his. Do not worry that HE "might be thinking 'x' or 'y" or any of that. Don't even go there.
That mind reading and taking on his flaws as "your mission" to work on, instead of your own flaws, is part of how you got here. (Been there, done that). You do your stuff. That's all you do.
Hope this helps. We're all pulling for you and I for one am hopeful.
But you do YOUR stuff and let HIM do His!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
