Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks a lot and good to hear from you Acc. Wow, I am glad I am meeting with my IC tomorrow. I really appreciate all of your extra effort. I saw W briefly today for the kids exchange, it’s clear that everything I do is under a big microscope. I am really confused guys!!!! In life and in what your telling me. You mention that my marriage is at a boiling point but then I am getting signals from ya all that it sounds like my marriage might have a chance. This presure sure does suck!! I guess I somewhat understand because it does feel like we are at a "boiling point" in a way. I could just sense the tention when I picked up the kids today. More from W then me. I was a bit more jovial and upbeat then W.

Anyway, I am leaning towards emailing W tomorrow and suggesting Retrouvaille without a heavy pursuing theme. Below is the well written post from Denver. Do you mind taking another look before I send, I appreciate it.

One thing that I have been trying to learn during our time apart is how to communicate better. I realize that I haven't always been the best at it. And when you asked me the other night 'why now', the truth is that I wasn't sure how to communicate the answer to you. I was a bit afraid of how you would react to the answer. don't blame her for your fears. Just own them.


I am working on it. For myself. But it's difficult, because I'm also really trying to give you the space and time that you need to figure out what you want. I don't want to make you feel pressured to do something that you are not ready to do. So I'm a bit reluctant to just throw it out there like I am now.


I am trying to look at this time away from one another as a time for personal growth, maybe for both of us, but definitely for me. Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing. Maybe we end up divorced and we are both better people for what is happening now. Or, maybe we end up together, in a better, healthier M. I know that, right now, that is what I hope for. But I also know that I cannot control the outcome.

There is nothing that I would like more than to learn how we can be close again... be friends again. There is a marital retreat that I would love for us to go to. I don't know if it will help us figure this out, but I know that it can't hurt. I am definitely interested in going to it and am wondering if you might be as well. I want one last THE opportunity to work on our marriage. To truly take a look at our relationship AND GET TOOLS FOR IMPROVING IT.

Then we can think about it and decide what we want to do. Do we move forward together or do we do it apart? Again, I'm not trying to pressure you at all. I just saw this opportunity and thought that I would see what you think about it.

((((THIS^^^ IS ALL PRESSURE ABOUT THE FUTURE. ALL YOU WANT FROM THIS RETREAT ARE TOOLS FOR IMPROVING THE MARRIAGE...LEAVE IT AT THAT OR YOUR EXPECTATIONS WILL WRECK IT...and for that reason, Denver may be right. It's not your w that isn't ready for the retreat; it's you.

Also you're being too wordy, imo. Cut it down. Don't repeat yourself.

You are already placing so much weight on this ONE weekend that it's getting to be too much. BTW< the weekend is a jumpstart but you'll still have to attend their sessions that are about every 4-6 weeks and give you exercises and homework to work on (it's NOT drudgery btw, it's usually fun and always helpful even when difficult. Don't just go to the weekend and think all your problems are fixed. It'll wake up some feelings but it won't get you all the way where you want to go. More time and work, can).)))

If you'd rather give it some more time and then consider doing something like this later on down the road, I am fine with that too."

can you see where I inserted and where I suggest you delete?