A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[Arsene]

No matter if the conversation goes well or erupts in flames... the next day (or two or three or four...) one thing is abundantly clear (for those of us who still need to work on our detachment)... It's the absence. Being reminded of the things you're fighting for (or against) is rough, hearing their voice... their cadence... the weird way they say that one word or the way they tuck their hair behind their ear... Being reminded of the little things, if only for a minute or two, is often enough to echo in our minds for days...weeks... I know it's natural, and I know it hurts... damn I know it hurts... but it's a good kind of hurt.

It's a cleansing kind of hurt... One that will hopefully drive the next step in the changing process that I know I need to go through... Clearly with the level of pain I'm feeling today... with the almost overwhelming urge to reach out in some way (Which I won't... I promise ) I know I'm not ready to take the next step TOWARD a R... I've got more healing to do... more self discovery to do... I've got to take that next step toward becoming a better person instead of just wallowing in this self-pity and torture.

So yeah... It's been a very tough go since she's left again... and yeah, I want overwhelmingly to hear from her again... like yesterday... but I can't control her... hell, I'm having a hard time controlling ME these last couple days

But I think I can take that next step toward becoming a better person... My W might not know this, but our conversations have helped me get some clarity on a few new 180s I need to work on... on a few more things that will make me better...

And I'll be damned if there aren't at least a few moments a day that I can look through all this smoke and all this fire... and see a bright future...

For Me...

And for a few moments a day, no matter how dire it seems... for us too...

No expectations.

Just Hope.

An Perseverance.

You hit the mark on this mate. Exactly how I feel and have been feeling since the weekend. Thanks to the great folks out here (including you my foxhole mate), I feel much better today and my focus is coming back. And you're right, this time it's more for me, somehow.

Cheers!