Nothing too exciting today. H had to travel for work so I was on my own for most of the day. Realizing that I really depend on him for help with the boys and around the house and I got the guts to ask him for more help. I decided to start with asking him to do the dishes since we used to split the cooking and dishes (the cooker does not clean). Somehow that got skewed over the last 4 months, but I figure as long as he's eating my cooking, he can help. Maybe he was just waiting for me to ask. He said that he would help.
Also in that vein, I was proud of myself for something else I did. I've mentioned we are going on that camping trip, but it conflicts with S8's soccer game on Sunday. We've been talking about how to get S8 to his game (2.5 hours away). One idea was for H to leave campout with S8 on Sunday am, but then I'd have to pack everything up by myself. I told him point blank, after putting in all the work to get ready for this camping trip, I am going to feel very resentful if you leave me alone on Sunday morning. I really need your help. He was fairly responsive to that.
Also told him that I was trying to pay more attention to my stress triggers so I can try and be calmer. I know one of his issues with me was that I freak out sometimes. And not in an anxiety way, just a stressed out way, and he doesn't react to that well. He takes it personally I think. It's interesting that I said that because I haven't given much thought to stress reduction before today. I felt myself getting agitated this morning and afternoon - both instances around trying to prepare meals, keep the boys out of trouble, and do it all by a certain time. In the am it's worse because I have to get myself ready too, and we have to remember the homework and the lunches and the library books and my computer and whatever else we are bringing to school that day.
Final thought: H is feeling better and now does not seem so open to me touching him, but he's still being nicer and we're talking about regular stuff like we used to. I hurt my toe today and he even said, "Sorry that you hurt your toe, that's a bummer." I'll take what I can get!
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
