Hang in there and keep your eye on the big picture.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Try not to get too down and just think about all of the improvements you're making for yourself.
You can't control anything else right now, so try not to worry about it.
I know how difficult that is, but try not to think too much about your sitch tonight.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Hey everyone... First, I apologize about the cryptic message earlier.. I wanted to type more, but I was on my phone, which was running perilously low on batteries... And I just got home.
So just as I was about to leave work, a group of my friends called and told me they wanted to take me out tonight to hang for a bit, as they knew I had a rough weekend.
I learned a while ago in my sitch to try to keep my thoughts, feelings and details of my sitch mostly to myself, these boards and my IC...
But everyone knew W was in town this past weekend... and she wasn't now, so they assumed I needed a night out.
So I went along... the whole GAL thing kinda took over... And it was nice for an hour or two... Until they started grilling me for more details of the sitch...
Long story short, I kept it as vague as I could... letting them know that I was still trying hard to work on myself and see what would happen with the M...
And it was just a barrage of "What are you doing? You're a great looking guy, funny, smart, you make a good living... why are you acting like a fool here? Can't you see she's never going to be into you... can't you see she's acting like a *****?"
Despite my normally calm demeanor, I couldn't handle my "friends" putting down my W or the fight i'm going through... So I exchanged a few harsh words, asked them as kindly as I could to stop badmouthing my W and to leave their comments to ME and tried to steer the conversation away...
Eventually, they got the message and just shut up about the sitch... Everyone decided to head to a bar (from the restaurant we were at) and I figured "why not... the night should get better now that all that stuff is behind us".
And for the most part it was... but there were the occasional "Really? I mean come on AT... You're better than that" type comments...
I guess it's just tough to hear that kind of stuff from people who I call friends. I realize they're looking out for what they feel are my best interests... they don't want to see me hurting and all that... but man it's been a tough night having to hear it.
I'm back home now... with my puppy by my side, who'll never judge the decisions I'm making... and posting on a site full of people who support my direction and decision... So things are certainly looking up already.
I know they meant well... But my reasons for keeping my sitch to myself have been well validated tonight... I guess the worst part about it is that none of these "friends" actually knew my W... in fact, most of them hadn't met her but once or twice... So deep down I KNEW they were just looking out for me... but I couldn't help but keep thinking to myself "True friends would support me here..."
Time to get to bed. Wake up in about 6 hours and hit the gym... work this out of my system...
Yep AT, preaching to the quire my friend, dog by side as well. Just a bunch a bullsh!t going on, that's all I gotta say about things, just a bunch a bullsh!t. Yep, that’s what I call this. God bless buddy.
My buddy came over to my house the other night and he was like sh!t dude, she cleaned you at. Holy sh!t, she took everything! Damn Rough, this house is bare bones.
I keep my friends and family at a distance. I love them and they love me but once in a while a "look" or a mumbling comment make me feel so uncomfortable, I immediately leave.
In the future I will reconnect with them but for now, I need them at a distance.
GALs can also be with new people or on your own. Enjoy these GALs, heck do something with your puppy! Walks twice a day. Dog park. teach him to surf! LOL!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
No matter if the conversation goes well or erupts in flames... the next day (or two or three or four...) one thing is abundantly clear (for those of us who still need to work on our detachment)... It's the absence. Being reminded of the things you're fighting for (or against) is rough, hearing their voice... their cadence... the weird way they say that one word or the way they tuck their hair behind their ear... Being reminded of the little things, if only for a minute or two, is often enough to echo in our minds for days...weeks... I know it's natural, and I know it hurts... damn I know it hurts... but it's a good kind of hurt.
It's a cleansing kind of hurt... One that will hopefully drive the next step in the changing process that I know I need to go through... Clearly with the level of pain I'm feeling today... with the almost overwhelming urge to reach out in some way (Which I won't... I promise ) I know I'm not ready to take the next step TOWARD a R... I've got more healing to do... more self discovery to do... I've got to take that next step toward becoming a better person instead of just wallowing in this self-pity and torture.
So yeah... It's been a very tough go since she's left again... and yeah, I want overwhelmingly to hear from her again... like yesterday... but I can't control her... hell, I'm having a hard time controlling ME these last couple days
But I think I can take that next step toward becoming a better person... My W might not know this, but our conversations have helped me get some clarity on a few new 180s I need to work on... on a few more things that will make me better...
And I'll be damned if there aren't at least a few moments a day that I can look through all this smoke and all this fire... and see a bright future...
For Me...
And for a few moments a day, no matter how dire it seems... for us too...
No expectations.
Just Hope.
An Perseverance.
You hit the mark on this mate. Exactly how I feel and have been feeling since the weekend. Thanks to the great folks out here (including you my foxhole mate), I feel much better today and my focus is coming back. And you're right, this time it's more for me, somehow.
Cheers!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
) I know I'm not ready to take the next step TOWARD a R... I've got more healing to do... more self discovery to do... I've got to take that next step toward becoming a better person instead of just wallowing in this self-pity and torture.