Friday we had a long tearful talk. I finally admitted that i did not want to continue trying to save this marriage if the situation was going to stay the same. Wow..that was really tough to get out but it took a huge load off my mind. I had been hiding that for a while and had therefore been pushing her away so i didn't have to deal with it. All of a sudden my anger has dropped away. It seems my direction has too. I've been so busy pushing away from her and trying to run away that now i feel confused and directionsless. A bit adrift at the moment. That's not necessarily a bad thing...i can take some time to figure out what i really want. I stayed over at the house on the weekend. W even came and cuddled with me most of the night friday..it felt good. We spend VD and the next day watching some rented videos. Even though i made that big pronouncement, we're keeping our friendship together, and i'm not going to go right ahead for the big D. I'll let things move along at their own pace and see what i want/need. Not sure what I want at the moment.
