(((((Busting)))))

I just caught up with your posts and wanted to show some support for what you are going thru.

I understand you all about the trust issue with H. I have been having issues since we started dealing with D-specific things. I have read here and learned from friends that when D process really gets going, both parties don't trust each other and it can cause a lot more grief and pain than necessary. So I am trying to focus on me, my intentions and forget about what H's intentions or actions can and will be. As long as I am acting in a way that is right for me and the kids, I need to be at peace with that.

Detaching also helps not worry about H, his thoughts and his motivations for when and if he is nice to me. So when I am doing well at detaching, I struggle less with this. Also having no expectations is huge - if H is nice, great - then there is no drama for me. If he is not nice, well, then it's not new either.

I also love what J3B posted - we cannot give our spouses that much power over us to make us not trust other people. I will have to keep that in mind because like you have all said, I also at this point don't see myself trusting someone with my heart again.

As for your convo with H re. winter break, you did fine. I know it's easy to over think what we say and question if we did the right thing, but that is also not healthy. I tend to do that as well and need to do a better job at not doubting my every interaction with him. Goes back to the same - detachment, no expectations, focusing on myself... Gosh, I have it memorized so well, now if I could only put it in practice 24/7...

(((((busting))))

Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D