Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

As always, good advice Denver. I will utilize your words if I decide to propose the idea to W. Now I am a bit torn on running it past W because you have some valid points Denver. Another thing I forgot to mention is it’s a weekend event at a bed and breakfast and they want us onsite the entire weekend. They prefer we stay in the same room! They said for a little bit more money we could have separate rooms but they don’t really recommend it. I agree that the timing of Retrouville might be a bit premature. I will have to weigh this one out.

I don't like to disagree with 25 and I rarely do, and this is a tough call. It could go either way. If you bring it up though, I think that you really do need to be careful with what you say. I would just want to avoid anything that may be perceived as pressure. That will be difficult if it turns out that she is not in a place to really consider this.

I did do a marital retreat with my W a few months before she made the choice to work on the M and begin piecing. The difference was that it was something that she brought to the table. She felt that it might be something that would help us figure out what direction to go. I think that she really meant her though since I had already been very clear about what I wanted. But whatever. That's not the point. LOL. It was a good thing for us and I do think that we both learned a lot. It was not what jarred us into piecing though and it was very uncomfortable for both of us (since we were not 'together').

We did stay in one room with 2 beds. That was also uncomfortable. Especially after we had a couple of heated conversations about what had been discussed. But, it was also turned out to be good in the long run.

I do agree with 25 that both you and your W seem to on the edge of 'blowing it'. I can't really explain to you why I think that, but it had occurred to me even before reading 25's post. I think that's why I have been very detailed in telling you what words I would use when having these discussions.

I do think that it is something that you can work on on your own though. 25's suggestion is great. Maybe your IC can work on it with you too. The bottom line with it though is that you just have to maintain complete control of yourself when having contact with you W. Think about what is said. Think about your answer. Answer with thought, care, and deliberation. If you need time to consider your answer or what you want to say, ask for it. That is definitely something that i thought you did well in your last conversation with her.

Wish I knew for sure what the 'right' answer is. Trust your instinct.