I was just thinking about emailing him back with something like "I will bring the signed petition with me to the retreat." Simple and non confrontational. What do you all think?
I think that response is perfect. Throw the ball back in his court.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I can't wait to hear about it as well. I know I'm a long way from such a thing but I'm still hopeful that W will get over her OM and we can get back to working on this together so if and when it does happen, I think this would be a good way to start the healing process. Please keep us updated.
Good luck,
BTW, Great answer!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Am starting to get ready for Retrouvaille this weekend and want to make sure that I get the most out of it, that whatever happens with my H I learn to communicate better and get better insight into my own issues. LITB mentions going there and busting my tail. In this context, what does that mean? How can I make sure that I get the most out of it and focus on my own faults and issues and less on Hs perceived flaws? Any help from Retrouvaille vets would be most appreciated
Do not focus at all on HIS "flaws", or what you believe HE ought to work on.
Do not take his temperature, or check to see if he's "getting" it or liking it or any of that.
Just do YOUR WORK. If you are honest, you have a lot of it to do.
At the very least, and best, you'll need to do a boat load of forgiving AND asking for forgiveness, in time.
You'll need to learn how to give it and to be given it and to LET GO OF CRAP that hurts the marriage. Let it go. Don't worry about whether that is "FAIR:...
do you want to be "right" or do you want to be happy?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.
Lose the scorecard, for good.
Focus solely on your own personal work. Let him do his. Do not worry that HE "might be thinking 'x' or 'y" or any of that. Don't even go there.
That mind reading and taking on his flaws as "your mission" to work on, instead of your own flaws, is part of how you got here. (Been there, done that). You do your stuff. That's all you do.
Hope this helps. We're all pulling for you and I for one am hopeful.
But you do YOUR stuff and let HIM do His!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks, peeps-- LITB, 25, Arsene, Rough, Sweetbaby, NG, and all the rest. I love you all. Your concern and help always brings tears to my eyes . . .
25 and LITB, I totally agree that I should go there and focus on myself. I am honestly a totally forgiving person generally. I have just been struggling with a bit of resentment lately and also the lengthy uncertainty of my sitch sometimes rears up and bites me. I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and am actually excited about the possibility of learning more about myself and breaking some old patterns that no longer serve me. I just didn't want to miss something in the process by being hyperfocused on the wrong things.
PS I have not heard back from H since I sent him the email telling him I'd bring a signed copy of the joint divorce petition with me to the weekend Onward and upward, so to speak.
I will carry the thoughts, hopes, and good intentions of all my fellow DBers with me at Retrouvaille. Thank you all again.
