Just get there and bust your tail over the weekend.
Totally agree. Whatever it takes to get there, get it done.
I remember one woman who presented said that while she did agree to go to retrouvaille with her H, she demanded a separate room. Pretty amazing that years later they were actually healed, happy, and presenting to help others. Another couple we attended with were scheduled for D a few weeks later...the H wasn't even sure if his W was going to show up to the thing. She did and they began reconciliation that weekend. I always liked seeing them at the post sessions...inspirational.
Of course, I've said this before, you only get out of it what you put in it, so be prepared to work your tail off as LITB said.
Am starting to get ready for Retrouvaille this weekend and want to make sure that I get the most out of it, that whatever happens with my H I learn to communicate better and get better insight into my own issues. LITB mentions going there and busting my tail. In this context, what does that mean? How can I make sure that I get the most out of it and focus on my own faults and issues and less on Hs perceived flaws? Any help from Retrouvaille vets would be most appreciated
Here are my suggestions. Go in with an open mind and an open heart. Stay as positive as possible and allow the program to work for you. Stick to the process of what the program is about and put forth your best effort. It is work, but it is worth it.
I really can’t do the program justice in a post and I don’t want to give too much away. This is what I will tell you. For me, I had feelings come to the surface that I didn’t even realize that I had. It was profound.
My W and I have attended 2 of the post session dates thus far. They are equally as important as the weekend. If you can attend the post sessions, you will maximize the experience and the efforts.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Just got an email from H asking that I execute a joint divorce petition before we go to Retrouvaille this weekend. Guess he figures that things might not go well at the retreat. Needless to say, I'm bummed. Is it even worth going if his mind is made up?
Unbidden, I'd say that's his way of trying to let you know "his mind is made up" and there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe he's afraid this weekend will be a turning point? Who knows? I wouldn't sign anything. Three days isn't going to make a difference is it? You can tell him you would like to get through the weekend before you make a decision.
I think he thinks that I won't ever agree to a divorce and since he is going to Retrouvaille and doesn't really want to, it's only fair to ask me to do something I don't want to do either. I'm afraid if I don't sign, he won't go.
It is absolutely worth going. You don't want look back with regret. Turn every rock before you come to the end. This is a big rock.
The email is probably a way for him to ensure you know what his intentions are. I'd thread carefully on this one. It wouldn't surprise me if he threatens not going this weekend if you resist cooperating. Keep your cool and your emotions in check.
It obviously is hurtful and bothersome. Collect your thoughts before responding. If you are replying by email....I'd suggest running it by the board if you are open to it.
My .02 cents.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
