Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

Retrouville’s coming to town in less then a month. I actually just found out today, thanks to 25’s recent post. Its only about 15 minutes away. It’s my weekend to have the kids on those dates so that’s a good thing because I could have my family watch our kids.

Here’s the important part that I could really use some help with, getting W to agree. My W isn't to religious so I am sure that will bug her. Even though both you and I know they don’t push religion or put a huge emphasis on it. Here’s what the local Retrouville rep told me.

This is our last stop, this is it, this is what I want to do. I want one last opportunity to work on our marriage. To truly take a look at our relationship. We can make a determination. Do we move forward together or do we do it apart?

Yes, that wasnt his exact words but that was the gist of it. Another important thing he told me is make sure they aren’t drug into it. If W feels forced to go, it PROBABLY WONT WORK. I believe both your feet were out the door 25. I am just not the best writer. I don’t have a ton of time either because the registration deadline is this Friday and I need to let him know by this Thursday. I don’t want W to have too much pressure to make a decision, on the flip side I want to make my proposal to her by tomorrow at the latest. Is there anything that you could add to what I've already provided? I think some wordsmithing could be very useful since I will be sending W an email. Thanks a lot!

My only concern with this is that it may be premature. I personally think that even asking the WAW to go to a marital retreat can be perceived as pressure. 25 will probably disagree with me though.

I would prefer to see you go down the road that you just started, slowly, and see where it goes in the next several weeks or months. THEN consider something like this.

But, if you think that you want to do this, then this is how I'd word ... or close. A little cutting and pasting goin on here. LOL

"W, you asked me 'why now'. The answer is that I miss you W. That's why now. I love and miss you.

One thing that I have been trying to learn during our time apart is how to communicate better. I realize that I haven't always been the best at it. And when you asked me the other night 'why now', the truth is that I wasn't sure how to communicate the answer to you. I was a bit afraid of how you would react to the answer.

I am working on it. For myself. But it's difficult, because I'm also really trying to give you the space and time that you need to figure out what you want. I don't want to make you feel pressured to do something that you are not ready to do. So I'm a bit reluctant to just throw it out there like I am now.

I am trying to look at this time away from one another as a time for personal growth, maybe for both of us, but definitely for me. Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing. Maybe we end up divorced and we are both better people for what is happening now. Or, maybe we end up together, in a better, healthier M. I know that, right now, that is what I hope for. But I also know that I cannot control the outcome.

There is nothing that I would like more than to learn how we can be close again... be friends again. There is a marital retreat that I would love for us to go to. I don't know if it will help us figure this out, but I know that it can't hurt. I am definitely interested in going to it and am wondering if you might be as well. I want one last opportunity to work on our marriage. To truly take a look at our relationship. Then we can think about it and decide what we want to do. Do we move forward together or do we do it apart? Again, I'm not trying to pressure you at all. I just saw this opportunity and thought that I would see what you think about it. If you'd rather give it some more time and then consider doing something like this later on down the road, I am fine with that too."