Hi Now40, I wanted to tell you how courageous and honorable I think you are! I can understand why you have had guilty feelings, but this is how I see it.
Quote: As far as she's concerned, SSM doesn't apply to her because she physically can't have sex. She refused to accept my additional posit that she was also LD. She has addressed the medical issues of her body in general but not anything specifically about the sexual part. I think we devolved into a situation where she avoided sex (and intimacy because of fear of sex) and I avoided rejection, thereby making our problems worse.
Typical marriage vows assume that both parties have a desire for life-long companionship through whatever circumstances of sickness or health, joy or sorrow, prosperity or adversity... Your W is not healthy, so you feel guilty about leaving her. Her *inability to have intercourse* should not interfere or null any love and affection she can show you. You are not a roommate; you are her companion, her loving husband!
I think you need to decide whether or not you can be truly happy without intercourse. Can you be happy with touching, kissing, hugging, oral stimulation, etc? If she refuses to compromise intimacy, then you have no reason to feel guilty. You've made due with such a lack of affection from her for so long. You've stood by her and tried to help her. She continues to view this as your problem instead of looking at herself and fixing what is in her power to fix.
Stop accepting all of this blame! Life is too short
