now40, I believe that spouses have to meet each other halfway or somewhat close to. You sound like you have a problem with taking all of the blame and responsibility for everything in your R. Your W will never respect you for that and she will more than likey let you accept the blame so she doesn't have to face her own demons. This will never be healthy for the R, no problems will ever get solved, and more and more resentment will build between the two of you unless you can just accept the R for what it is. I don't think that anyone with a normal sex drive and a need for the human touch will ever be happy that way. At the very least, she has to be able to admit to herself and to you that she has problems and if she wants to live within a somewhat happy marriage, she has to get help. She is mad at you for leaving, but not willing at this time to see her part in it. I have a friend who is married to a man and has not had sex with him in 6 years. They do not discuss it; it is like sex doesn't exist. They are roommates, and I have to tell you, it is sad. My friend is a vibrant, pretty, successful 50 year old woman who in her heart yearns for intimacy. She said when they did have sex, he would always find a reason to not have it again; said she asked for too much, wanted different things, and he would get mad and just go to sleep. I see a sadness in her that is almost like seeing someone with something just missing. I'm sorry, but I don't blame anyone for wanting more for themselves than that. When you have given someone ample opportunity to meet you halfway and they don't, then they can make a choice...to leave or stay. My life is too short to be unhappy, and I consider myself to have a very normal sex drive. Your W is not a bad person, but realistically, she has to stop finding reasons to blame you in the R and her not wanting to at least figure what true intimacy is all about. As her a question...does she want you to live without sex for the rest of your life? A mean, twice a year is almost like living like that. I wish you luck, you deserve to happy, emotionally and physically.
