How about this: my expectation is that my H will not contact me. If he does, it's nice. If he doesn't, I didn't expect him to so I'm not disappointed, but more importantly, I'm not OBSESSING...sound good?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I asked a similar question of Wendylon yesterday because I wonder if we focus more on negative things due to the situation and sometimes it's just the way they are.
That's exactly what I thought when I read Busting's question to you. It was really helpful to have you ask me that question and it looks as if you're realising too that your H has a history of not always being very communicative even when things were on an even keel.
I'm sorry your'e not feeling well and hope you're on the mend.
My sense from a distance is that you would do better and it could help your sitch if you could be a bit dimmer. It's easy to say from here. I know the feeling so well of wanting to do something in the hope of getting a response that will feel reassuring and soothe the pain of insecurity. The fix, however, is always short-lived and doesn't ultimately address the issue of insecurity.
Hang in there. Can you get attention from friends and family instead?
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
I agree with Wendylon. I wouldn't text him anymore. Remember that only you know when you've had enough. I think you still want to hang on and save your M, so you must be patient. I know, it's very hard. But write to us whenever you feel you need to vent.
I also understand your need to talk, but if you ask him, you'll be pursuing. Not pursuing (at least now) is the way to go.
Sound upbeat and even flirtatious when you text. Be creative :-)
Tumbling, I also hope you're feeling better and that you're not initiating any texting.
My recommendation is that when you next receive a text from him, post it here and wait for a response from this board before you answer it. That will extend the time frame a bit so that you're a little dimmer.
Good luck!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hello SS, Labug, Wendylon, Tori and Busting! Thanks for your advice & get well msgs. I've taken day off. No point being a martyr & I am away on business from tomorrow for the rest of wk so thought I'd be better off hanging out in bed. I've got something like Gastroentiritis, horrible stomach pains - ugh! Hoping acv will settle it.
I decided to grow up & not 'punish' H last night & sent my usual night night (w no expectations). I got the same straight back immediately with x's. BUT NO HOW ARE YOU? Nothing today from either of us & I'm NOT being the initiator anymore.
I've worked out that each time we restart coms after some bustup I start from where we last were but I think he starts almost from his exit point in 2010. This means I am back on the ride almost immediately.
I want to leanback & let him come to me. I need to refocus on me. I think being ill has made me needy. I don't like it. It'll be nice to hear from H later but I have no expectations...
...I wonder what his expectations are?
Going to have a little sleep now
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Hey Tumbling, It's been a short while since I've added anything, although I have been keeping up. First, I hope you are physically and emotinally better now, or at least on the upswing. 8)
Something that I wanted to comment on a few days ago was the "womanly role," of cleaning and taking care of everything. IMO, that is / has often been society's expectation that has been forced upon you / women. I on the other hand, am I guy ;), that has taken on that role in my household (as far as the cleaner, the laundry person, the finances, the scheduler). I can say that despite it making me look less than a man in society's image, I am okay with it. I viewed it as being able to be nurturing, supp;ortive, and in touch with my softer side -- I have always been more of an emotional guy than the "norm," whether or not I shared it is a different story. Anyways, since I have slacked on the cleaning duties, I have come to a few realizations. Maybe overdoing it has been more of an enabling process, at least for me, in the sense of my perfectionism and controlling behaviors (W.'s complaints), then again she easily could have steeped up too. I do knmow that, it kept me from spending QT with her at times, despite that being my intent. Also, You can have more fun with a little bit of a mess. 8)
Sorry for the rambling, but wanted to add a "manny's" POV. Good intent can end with bad outcomes. /shrug 8)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hello Everyone! Thanks for thinking of me. I'm abit brighter so hopefully on the mend. I have packed my overnight bag with my favourite clothes (suddenly became skirty last year) and will be heading north tomorrow morning for a mini internal marketing conference. It starts late afternoon. I am staying on in the hotel Thurs night (everyone else leaves at 4pm) as I have arranged a further meeting Fri before I take a 5hr train journey home. It will be good to get out of the house for abit and am looking forward to the night in the hotel on my own. Kind of pampering - might order room service.
Originally Posted By: scaredsilly
How about this: my expectation is that my H will not contact me. If he does, it's nice. If he doesn't, I didn't expect him to so I'm not disappointed, but more importantly, I'm not OBSESSING...sound good?
Thanks for the reminder ^^^^^^^^ SS. That's where I was before he got back in touch. Then I went and picked the d4mn oars up again! But enough now; I am not going to text tonight, I am fed up of being the initiator, it makes me feel like I am pursuing and that's not what girls do. I am putting the oars down and hanging out on the blanket.
Probably won't be around til the weekend so I wish everyone a good remainder of the week. If he texts I will put it here first but I don't think it will be more than good morning or good night.
I don't know if this is etiquette round here but if you have a mo, can you go see A Man Lost
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
