I'd say you are still the GAL champ on this site. Wow!
Just reading all of your to-dos this weekend makes me exhausted. LOL
Keep up the good work.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
So, I did have an atypical interaction with my W last Sunday. Who knows if it'll lead to anything. Realistically, it could lead to something good, something bad, or nothing at all. There. I have it covered.
My W dropped my S off at the house on Sunday evening. She was early (which is rare BTW) so she got there about 3 minutes before I got home from running some errands. She had mentioned something the previous Friday about trying a new church with her Mom and sister. I followed up on it. She mentioned she wasn't feeling well and didn't go. She had gone to bed about 9pm and didn't get up until after 10am on Sunday. She was complaining about swelling of her hands and feet and sickness to her stomach.
On her way out, she asked if she could refill her water for the trip home. She got and remarked how clean the house was compared to her place. I just said, "Thanks!". She went on to say how she really needs to make some changes in her life. She's overweight, not eating healthy, and really doesn't feel good much of the time. I don't know if this was the best thing to say and it probably wasn't, but I mentioned how I felt better now physically than when I was in my 30s. I had intended it as encouragement for her to start doing a better job of taking care of herself. She then went on made a remark how I now have all of these friends, and I'm the one with all the friends and she has no friends. <-- That one got to me. It broke my heart. I know you reap what you sow, but it saddens me she has to learn the hard lessons.
She had asked for a box of Halloween decorations and helped her carry it to her car. We continued our discussion. She really seemed to be worried about her health. She again mentioned needing to make some changes and maybe getting involved in a church in her area and making some friends.
BTW - for those following along, the house she'd put an offer in fell through due to what the inspection turned up.
Anyway, I don't know where this is heading if anywhere at all. I've sort of been before.
The facts are she's not moving the D along as fast she intimated she wanted when this whole mess started, but she's also not blatantly moving back toward me.
It seems like the detachment, ambivalence, and heck even the being done all come and go in phases.
JB: I, too, have been away fromt this space for a while. Circumstnances have me coming back on occasion, but mostly I am trying to GAL as much as possible (you win the prize on this one), and trying to move forward as much as possible.
I see some similarities between our sitches these days, so I thought I would tell you I know how you feel. I updated my sitch on a recent post, but the bottom line is that my STBX has been gone for about 14 months, spent several of those in depresssion, seems to have had an OM come and go, and now is working on a new temporary job in a different state. She has been contacting me sporadically, but definately more now than in the past. She talks of being lonely, feeling homeless, feeling alone, how she misses her friends. It is heartbreaking, as you say, to see her learning the hard lessons. I get the vibe that she wants to hear from me, but will pull away if I get too close. I do not initiate most contact, but let her do it as much as possible. Gunny tells me I need to detach more, but I told her from the beginning that I would be there for her, and cannot just cut her out.
She has a major decision to make at the end of this temp job in late December. She can get her old job back here, which she loves, or she can move on elsewhere permannently. It is hard for me to understand what I should do here....it is her decision, and I should not interfere.
The ups and downs are amazing, and hard to watch. Just wanted to tell you that I understand what you are going through on this one. Hang in there, and enjoy the time with your little one.....
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Thanks for stopping in, AC. It's good to hear from you.
Yes, it is hard to watch. TBH, I see another side of this, too. My W continues to appear to be on track for some serious health issues down the road. Not saying I won't have any, but she's doing a lot of things wrong. Now I wouldn't have turned my back on her if it was up to me. However, since she is still pursuing a D, she may be in effect relieving of that liability. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.
I didn't see my W, but my S was with my W last night. My S was under the impression my W was taking him to the Reds playoff game and they were going with OM. When it came time to leave, my S was very much upset, and it was because he thought OM was going to be at the Reds game with them. I did ask him if he communicated being upset about the situation with W, and he hadn't. I ended up telling he should go with W, as he had already committed to it.
I received a text from him later. He was fine. They did not go to the Reds game. He said in his text he was afraid they were going to the Reds game and going with OM. He didn't want to be embarassed by OM.
It's sad to hear that this is having an impact on your S.
The fact that he has a negative opinion of the OM, and the fact you are seeing visible negative changes in the W speaks volumes. You are a good man and doing things right. Her negatives define her and is no reflection on you.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
<-- That one got to me. It broke my heart. 
