My ultimate goal is reconciliation. But yes, patience is something i realise I have to get nailed or I will blow it even further.
Shorter term I now want to be able to have a conversation with W that is not about her moving house. We did make some small progress this evening and we are talking.
My 180's before this blew up were:
1. Spending more time with kids:
- Make sure I am home for dinner or at least before bed time each evening from work and take our youngest S off her hands
- To do at least 2 activities at weekend with S to give W a break.
2. Be more proactive with housework:
- To help with washing and ironing at weekend
- To clean bathroom once a week
(the 2 jobs W hates doing)
3. To be happier when I get home from work
- smiling when I arrive home instead of being stressed from rush hour! being upbeat and positive when I arrive home.
4. To show more appreciation to W - thank W for nice meal when she cooks and more generally with housework - listen more attentively when she tells me about her day
5. To try and use her LL more: - words of affirmation - think PT is another of W LL(this is a goal to create some intimacy)
6. To make sure I walk dog every evening.
My GAL activities: - Gym (3x per week) - Dog walk (every evening) - activities with S - keep in contact with friends. Visit them - Dog training class
These were all going pretty well until the disaster of the last few days! W still has trust issues with all of this - but I had been feeling pretty good and she loved me spending more time with S and the dog! I am enjoying these and would like to keep them up.
But then I hit the panic button and boom!
Re RetroVaille I would love to attend. We have very little to no spare money at the moment. Eldest S is at Uni and we don't get and govt support. I have to finance him. I am having to ask parents if they could loan me for DB coach -confidentially!. I know my marriage is more important than money but it is the worst we have had it financially in a long time. It is adding a lot of exra pressure to things. But I will do what I can to get help.
Just as a general update, when I got home from work today W approached me and apologised for her behaviour over the last few days, said she has never been like that before and does not know what happened. That she does not want us to fight over things like this.
I responded by saying I understand why she must feel so angry, that I could have handled myself better dealing with sitch and I agree that we need to communicate better.
She had made my dinner (which I thanked her for). She explained that she has researched some other options re housing and there may be things she can do. I am having trouble with the thought of her leaving still. I think it is this that really derailed me.
We had a general conversation about issues with transport at S school (she was in an upbeat mood) and she insisted to get S ready for bed. She has now gone out to a friends house.
For now I am just thankful we are talking. It at least gives me chance to work on communicating.
Perhaps should not have done this - I text OM W, said that I don't think confrontation would result in anyones best interest if she is wrong. That I was not convinced of A. I suggested we just give it time, said I love W and family and that I do not want to risk any further pressure on that. She text back and agreed that she understands and the approach made sense and she will not confront her H. That she needs to GAL herself. But I know I have lit a potential time bomb here!!! stupid. I will cut off all contact now.
Sorry for long post(again). I will keep you updated and thanks for stepping in.
