The crack in my perfect life...

[Sweetbriar]

Thanks so much for your input. I realize that I too had some fault with our marriage mainly being that I didn't stroke his ego enough. He needed to hear how great he was all the time due to his depression and his childhood traumas and I guess I thought I was doing this, but wasn't. That was his biggest complaint aside from controlling which had been next to none over the past 7 years.

I have been reading DR again, this time way more involved than I did before. Its hard to do 180s on things when he is not here to see them...and he doesn't care to even talk when he comes to get the kids. He did text me over the weekend and said "I hope u r feeling well" which was the first time he has done this since I have been pregnant (almost 19 weeks!) I didn't respond, as it was not a question, but I did end up texting him on Monday and asking exactly what I was not supposed to ask...."does any part of you want to save our marriage?" His response was that "its not possible because if it was, we would have already done it." I didn't get upset like I thought I would...just another rejection. My fault for asking....

I'm trying so hard to detach, but being married to him and being a family is all that I know...we have been together since we were 18 and married since 21. We have always had each other and it breaks my heart to know that he can move on so quickly and easily after all we had and have together. What about all our future plans of growing old together?

It amazes me how quickly things can go south...just in Jan and Feb he was telling me how much he loved me and things seemed wonderful. It wasn't until he met OW that he started to doubt everything and anything we have. I just feel like the longer we are apart, the less chance we have to get back together. And, on top of it all, we have a baby coming in March and who knows how that is going to work with our current situation. I feel sad that a new baby has to come into the world when his parents are falling apart.

I never knew how soul destroying a separation, rejection and betrayal could be....