Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

I am REALLY kicking myself. I have gone over our brief interaction over and over in my head. I had an opportunity, I am glad I got a couple things out in the open but at the same time I didn’t get much from W. I know Ive already posted about this but I cant get the part when W said “things are tough.” THAT was my opportunity! I said “I understand” and that stopped me from getting her to express her feelings. Just a simple “what part about things is tough?” would have made a world of difference. Can I ask her what she meant by that or is it late to go back and ask her?

it's pretty rare for ONE interaction to decide a marriages' outcome. So don't keep sweating it.

Saying "what part is hard" is NOT what I'd suggest. That MIGHT mean you don't know of any part that might be hard. That might be annoying to her.

So, ask for more info w/words like "Can you tell me more?"

Don't assign belief/disbelief or value or negative connotations to what she's saying.

Just get more information. Then re-cap what she says so you know you got it right and SHE knows you cared enough to get it right. If she corrects your re-cap then you know you avoided a misunderstanding.

If she says you did hear her correctly, she'll have to "own" what she says and still know you valued her input enough to be accurate about it.

She'll feel listened to. That often means she'll feel loved.

Give that "new you" time to sink in with her.

She won't believe it at first and

only time, plus your consistent changes, will convince her otherwise.