Acceptance - My next challenge.

[25yearsmlc]

Arsene, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. It just sukks. Not a lot else to say about gross pain, b/c that's what it is.

Except that it does pass and you will feel better. In time. No matter what else happens, time will help you.

Thanks Rough,

It's always comforting knowing you're around. I'm so happy for you that after all this time, things are moving a bit in your sitch and it seems like it might be positive. You're always saying how crap you are at this yet you've been so detached for so long and your DBing has been excellent. Good things are on their way for you mate.

CB, I know I shouldn't think about that yet, because it's so far from now (if ever) but I have thought about it a lot, and I hope I have the strength to do just that if and when the day comes.

How about just thinking about today? You know, "Be Here Now" and don't borrow trouble from tomorrow.


I know that you are 110% right on this and I just wish she had chosen to take this time, for which she asked and which I granted, to work on herself instead of taking the easy way "forward" and fall into the arms of OM, who is just as flawed (actually certainly a he11 of lot more flawed) as I was when she left me.

a lot of mind reading here^^^, again. Of course you'd prefer she be alone while working on herself. We all would. That does not happen often.

Most of the time the WAW lacks the resolve to leave a financially secure M, when she has children, unless there's an OM.

My point is, if he's so flawed (and I agree that he must be) only time w/him will show that! Not her alone. I mean, given that she already knew she had feelings for him, I submit the only way for her to figure out what a loser he is, is by seeing it first hand.

If he really has dropped his family for her, the guilt that might cause could keep her close for a short time, but it'll eat at her. She'll want him to go back to them. With or without you in the picture, I think that's what she's going to suggest to OM in time.



She told me then that she didn't want to come back to me because she was afraid we would fall in the same patterns yet she walked straight into the same pattern.

This^^^ is, of course, her fear. That's what the WAS's ALL fear.

Most WASs feel they had reasons for leaving (you agreed that your w did). So naturally her biggest fear is giving up OM for you, and then finding out it's all going to be the same old same old, after a few months.

She thinks, atm, that OM is THE route to her happiness.

I'm not defending her Arsene, but you do see her point, right?

I mean, her FEAR is that she'll lose out on the one man who can make her happy - to return to the one man who hurt her, for years, only to have him backslide and repeat it all over again.

That is frightening to her. She seems paralyzed. IF you could just be a jerk, she'd know she made the right choice. So Your job is to offer a third option, which is the NEW YOU...

Only time + consistent changes will = her believing in the changes.



The thing I am certain of is that when this relationship with OM goes south, he won't do a fraction of what I'm doing for her, and she knows that.


just curious about all this mind reading. You "know" that she "knows" that? How?


I guess all I can do now is stick with the plan

yes. At least stick with the plan for enough time before you can monitor to see if it works.

If it does not, then reassess. But give it a chance.

and think about when and how I will be setting those boundaries I've been thinking about so much lately.

um, really? You want to worry today, about boundaries you may never have the chance to set? I worry that the attitude it'll take to make those boundaries,

does not serve you well, now.

Why think about something so far off, when you have enough to deal with now?

I think you ought to just simply focus on doing your plan for 90 days

and THEN see what you want to do.