Lost and looking for help

[BC39]

Thank you sincerely for taking the time to read my post and replying.

Just after my first post W sent me this letter:

I’ve been trying to find a deeper, and maybe a more meaningful way to tell you I’m sorry. But I know it’s an endless search. There’s only one way, and it’s in my actions. This is why I’m writing you this letter. I’ve crumbled our wall of trust, now for a second time. I realize that we’re starting all over again, brick by brick to rebuild it. I know it won’t be easy, but I promise I will put 100% into it. I’m so sorry for making you hurt and feel the way you are. I’ve been completely selfish, and for some reason I felt entitled to it. I blame myself, and regret not trying as hard as you have been. I’m not sure how I thought we could get better, if I wasn’t committing myself entirely to the process. I never want you to feel silly, ashamed, embarrassed, disappointed, or broken-hearted. And yet, I’ve managed to do so twice.
I know that you will be sensitive to everything I do, and that time is needed. If I want this to work, I need to promise you I’ll be patient. I promise I’ll be patient and understanding. I struggle with my fears, but I know I have to put them aside if I want the mortar to stick in our wall. I will be accountable to you.
I want for you to tell me what you need. I will allow you to be vulnerable with me, and I with you. I promise to reassure you time and time again that I am in this. I will do whatever it takes.
I Love You

We had a long talk after this. She told me she instantly changed when forced with the fact of possibly losing me (I basically dropped the rope when I found out they still talked) much like I did when our sitch first started. She told me she has no feelings for this OM and although she realizes how inappropriate it was their recent discussions we're as friends and no parts of the convo were inappropriate in nature. I asked her how she could risk everything to have "friends" talks with him. She said at the time, in her mind, she wasn't really doing anything that affected our R. She says she understands now how silly that was and she can't believe she would risk our R just to chat with this guy on the phone.

Cadet- Although I understand the meaning and concept of detaching, I'm not sure its currently the best thing to do in my sitch. In fact, shes asking me to do the exact opposite. She says wants me to show her all the love I have. (one of the reasons she strayed in the first place is because I was detached)

AnotherStander- Yes, things have been going well patching it together thanks, this sitch only started just over 5 months ago. Compared to many other on here it appears I should consider myself lucky. I agree with all your comments. I will check out the 5 Love Languages thank you.

W and I both agree that this may have all happened for a reason and it could turn out to be a life altering blessing in disguise for us.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't fear that whatever fog she was in isn't still there, but I'm trying to stay positive that her new found perspective is here to stay. Time will tell.

We have our first MC appt in 3 weeks tomorrow, I'll check back in again after that.

Thanks Again