I totally agree that who we choose to hang out with is a big part of our authenticity.
A good example. I care about XH maternal side of the family, the ones I know the best, BUT I SURE DON'T LIKE THEM.
So I guess a good point in being divorced is I don't have to deal with them as near as much, though they still consider me part of the family.
I used to be a positive and optimistic person. Now I have to push myself to find that alot of the time and that never used to be me. I know I felt like crap when having to be around the negativity that stems from XH's family. I now understand that was me feeling awfully unbalanced because the "authentic me" thrives in being in a positive atmosphere, not a heavy and dark one. I wonder if part of me has changed because of being around it for so long.
Xh was a bright light full of love and positivity at one time.
In regards to reality catching up with you, it seems this has happened and I had to present that to XH today via text. We had a very heart to heart talk today, first one since I don't know when. We're having problems with D9. Basically in my observation I think D9 is overwhelmed with this past year.. like it all caught up with her. 4th grade is hard, and the back and forth of being at home with mom then Dad one day bothers her. She bottles things up inside and will not talk, but seriously acts out.
I told XH that in the best way I see so much of him in her every day. I asked him to think back at how he handled his emotions at that age, and what can we do to help her. Well he opened up and told me that he was bullied, beat up, and living with a control freak of a step dad at that age and it really stressed him out, and he would get sick. I apologized to him that he had to go through that and I had forgotten he told me about that a long time ago. He did drop the conversation when I told him that D9 doesn't like the back and forth between home. Im really hoping that he didn't take that as a guilt trip because it wasn't meant as one towards him at all. It is what it is, our baby has verbalized it, and I think it's our duty as parents to work towards our daughter feeling better.
But more than likely what it was, is me hitting a tender spot that he mentally acknowledges but literally has no idea what to say or do about. It's not all his responsibility, yes he was the one that put our reality today into fruition. But it is what it is now, and like Bea said learning authenticity is learning from our mistakes.
